Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Look What I Own At The Tone!

Now we all know about the Jones's type nuts. That has been said at many huts. Been there, done that. But there are more Looky Lous that chew the fat. They want you to be so impressed. Frankly, I'm surprised they can even get dressed.

Look at me.
Share my glee.
I've got stuff.
Can't get enough.

Not a hoarder.
All is in order.
You've been there?
Hoard to spare.

What we want,
Sure does taunt.
It allows a touch,
Or fame and such.

I've got Will Smith's trash.
Stole it in a flash.
Isn't that great?
Won't you be my mate?

I've got so dead celebrities hair.
Her name I can't share.
I don't want you to steal it.
But she had many a hit.

I've got her toe nail clippings too.
Want to see a few?
They are in pristine condition.
But it's paid only admission.

I've got Elvis's mowed grass.
I have it in mass.
It's all frozen in the freezer.
Sure to be a people pleaser.

I even got...shh don't tell.
This one is really swell.
It's Harrison Ford's used condom.
I used the force to bond them.

But that's not all.
I've got a whole wall.
Such things are totally rare.
Like...shhh..hair from down there.

Other stuff I've sold.
These things are pure gold.
Don't you want to view?
Maybe even make an offer on one or two?

Pfffft and pfffft some more a sadly such things are considered "collectible" at many a human shore. Really? Hair and trash and many many other weird things in a stash? That just scares the cat. Less impressive than my scat. Do you have any such "collectible" items like bottled Luke Skywalker gas? Best not to tell my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

A Little Age Change Wage!

The cat hears humans say they don't change even if life were to rearrange. For some that may be true, as they whine in mommy's basement all the day through. But for others we shall see. Change sure comes, for better or worse, to thee.

Add a day.
Add a year.
Much will play.
Cheer or fear.

Each an add.
Each a loss.
Change is had,
Comes like moss.

Grows more cold.
Grows more happy.
Truth be told,
May get more yappy.

Less is more.
More is less.
Damn the chore,
Leave the mess.

More days behind.
Less days ahead.
Some mean, some kind,
Time has sped.

The less you care.
The more you do.
Either way you're aware,
What others think of you.

More grumpy, more bitter.
Less selfish, less about me.
Can sure take to Twitter,
Or just let it be.

A decision here.
A decision there.
Change is near,
Whether or not aware.

A little more of this.
A little less of that.
Could be bliss or hiss,
Or some extra fat.

Change shall grow.
Change shall come.
Unless, you know,
You just sit on your bum.

I suppose it will come then as well. For you may get wide as Hell. That is some sort of change, right? Change sure happens whether or not we want it to take flight. Age brings it along and we may sing a new song. May not always be a good one and could hurt the ears a ton. But I'll leave that to the singing bass. Now I have to get Pat to change the litter of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 24, 2017

A How Dare Sympathy Stare!

So the other day the cat listened to a human have their say. More like rolled my eyes in dismay. Then they caught on to it. Ranting and having another fit. So came the rub along with a "see ya later, bub."

Were you listening to me?
I was talking to thee.
Don't roll your eyes.
Hear my whiny cries.

I'm in such bad shape.
May need duct tape.
It can keep anything together,
Even in the worst weather.

I'm in need of this.
It would sure give me bliss.
Why is it amiss?
Hear me hiss.

What am I to do?
Nothing will come through.
What was that?
Shut up, cat!

You know nothing at all.
That was a mean call.
Stay away from me.
I can't believe that came from thee.

Why would you say that?
You are such a mean cat.
That isn't how people act.
That is a simple fact.

You should be ashamed.
Your upbringing must be blamed.
That human is worse.
I hope you fall under a curse.

You have no clue.
Can't believe that came due.
I am now going away.
I am in such dismay.

I can't believe it was said.
I'll go cry in bed.
Are you happy now?
Don't you raise that eyebrow.

All right, I'm going.
My tears are growing.
You are so mean.
I'll go elsewhere and make a scene.

Any guess what the cat said to the whiny one as they went on their oh so whiny run? It was as simple as can be. You'd think I swore at them at my sea. All that was said was what popped in my head. "I have no sympathy for you because you do nothing to fix things at your zoo." Now I may not have rhymed it but you get what caused the fit. Ahhh the whiner class. They'll get no sympathy from my little rhyming ass.


Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.