Thursday, June 6, 2013

Fill Your Cup As The Next Batter Is Up!

So the cat hears it all the time that you humans seem to chime. Why the heck to do associated the humpty hump with baseball? Not that it isn't liked some at my hall, but still. Are you humans ill?

You're so far out in left field,
Damn, I need a shield.
So I don't start using them too,
Here at my zoo.

Stuck at third base?
Why the said look on your face?
Just steal home,
Of course if you aren't in Rome,

You may get called out.
Come now don't pout.
Or would that be balk?
Such confusing talk.

Stuck on first,
Would surely screw up your thirst.
Or not.
We won't dwell on that line a lot.

A pinch hitter,
Could make one bitter,
And lead to divorce.
Even if you are full of remorse.

The seventh inning stretch.
What you stop to play fetch?
Games can be three hours or so,
My you had stamina at your show.

Unless of course there is a foul ball,
Then things may halt at your hall.
Or the ball bounces over the wall,
Then second base is where you'll stall.

Patting a butt for encouragement may work,
Some may consider that a perk.
Plus you are all geared up,
With a helmet to prevent any hiccup.

And just slide in,
So you get the win.
My baseball is a dirty game.
This post is far from tame.

Picked off at second base,
Halts your embrace.
Three strikes and you're out,
What were the first two about?

And the cat will leave you with that, as the baseball terms fly at his mat. I guess I can see why you humans use it on the fly. A real hole in one, damn, that's another one. Slipped that past the goalie I guess. Damn, what a mess. The cat is off now to pass gas that will calm everything down thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

129 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Nit a grand slam?
      Must have been a traffic jam

      Delete
  2. The batter sure needs that helmet too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Protection is best
      Unless you are trying for a positive test

      Delete
  3. Pat you're proving your genius as usual here, it's never once crossed my mind that that so many different real life analogies are linked to baseball, more so than possibly any other sport. Great job as per usual mate, third base is a strange place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Genius am I?
      Oh how the ego does fly
      Yeah it is probably the most used sport
      At any court

      Delete
  4. The kidling brings a new boyfriend home -
    Times like these, my mind tends to roam.
    Ah! I do have a newly spiked bat,
    Now where in the heck is it at?
    THAT is my acquaintance with baseball dear Pat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha apikes
      Yikes
      Would surely run away
      Wit that one display

      Delete
  5. I love this!!! This season my son did a hook slide at home plate for a run and people were yelling things like "that's it son, slide it into home", "way to hook it in kid", "go boy, slide it and take it all the way home".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha oh into the gutter one can go
      With each and every bellow

      Delete
  6. I have been out in left field before... a few times. It can be a lonely place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah can get lost out there
      If you aren't aware

      Delete
  7. A lot of innuendo in one place!
    Still don't get the butt patting. No man is touching my ass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah no idea at all
      Why men would want so many other men tapping their ass at their hall

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. Glad I can get a smile
      As I rhyme a mile

      Delete
  9. smiles....just make sure you bring the right equipment to the game you know, especially if you are going to the big show, and know your role, pitchers trying to catch will put you in the hole, oh...no...there i go...go....going....gone...home run, round the bases, oops i better stop and tie my laces...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha yeah without the right gear
      New players may appear
      The hole one almost made me spit my water out
      And yeah you wouldn't want to fall and flail around like a trout

      Delete
  10. The only time I liked baseball except the moneyball movie was while reading this post :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I can make baseball thrilling
      Unlike Curt Schilling

      Delete
  11. (good one at your mat, Cat)
    Phrases take a double meaning
    As we do our silly preening
    Baseball is one simple sport
    To certain words it does do court
    When it's pointed out to me
    I recognize what others see
    I'll not try to be so cute
    I'm certain to become a mute

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Double meaning can sure come to life
      Even more if one has a fun wife lol
      Hit the ball and run
      Even a cute mute can get that done

      Delete
  12. I do like to play ball and I can bat pretty darn good too!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I want an innuendo-filled "Who's on first?" bit now.

    Who just slid right in?
    Exactly. Who just slid right in.
    Yes, who?
    Right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I thought of doing that
      May one day by the cat

      Delete
  14. Watching my kids(and others)play t-ball, all those summers, just about drove me batty!!!!! Get it batty. Aw, never mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha when you were drove batty
      Did you get catty?

      Delete
  15. Replies
    1. He is trying to score
      The one of deck and in the hole are ready to explore?

      Delete
  16. baseball and tennis slang
    have my total ch-bang
    watching the games
    as some go down in flames
    always grabs my court
    more so than the other team sport
    so bring on the chatter
    as a curve ball slips passed the batter
    and it's LOVE time on the clay
    or grass courts of our bay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tennis the cat is not up on the lingo
      But with a mind in the gutter I can go bingo
      And down in flames many do go
      Their winning streak never does grow
      So if 500 they fall below,
      Is that sort of impotency at the big show? haha

      Delete
  17. You almost make baseball sound fun!

    ReplyDelete
  18. A base ball one! Hooray!

    I'm not usually a b aseball fan. but recently in the evening we've put on the Yankees or the Mets games. it makes nice background viewing, while reading or him doing his cross word puzzles, etc. :-)))))))))))))))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it is too long to sit there and watch for hours on end
      But if you are doing something won't drive one around the bend

      Delete
  19. Baseball is by far my favorite sport
    It's a game unlike any other game of any sort
    Some people find it boring
    But it's other sports like golf that have me snoring

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes golf isn't even a sport at all
      It is a hobby is what I'd give it a call

      Delete
  20. You aren't going to get very far along
    if you keep your cup on.
    lol....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha but how will I keep of the germs?
      My ocd has to come to terms

      Delete
    2. If you bring out a can of Lysol
      it will certainly be a foul ball.
      Or maybe the other team will walk
      and a forfeit will leave you in your socks.
      hahahahaha.

      Delete
    3. What about Lysol wipes?
      Will they get the same gripes?
      That could clench
      And get me off the bench

      Delete
    4. I'm sure that would not be swell
      and the other team would say WTH!
      Maybe you could ask them to shower
      without building insults like a tower.

      Delete
    5. Could do both at the same time
      Fun and away goes the grime lol

      Delete
    6. and now you're thinking
      without insult making!
      lol...

      Delete
    7. Always a way
      But first have to find one at my bay

      Delete
  21. I loved baseball way back when
    there weren't so many ads on our TV.
    Now the owners want lots more money,
    well they can forget it...not from me!
    Now I'll watch when kids play baseball,
    that's a treat!
    Sitting in a lawn chair
    the "very best seat!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah watching away
      When they just have fun and play
      Not with all the greedy arse crap
      Across the so called major league map

      Delete
  22. This poem is really up my street/I'm a baseball man from my hair to my feet/A Dodgers, Mets or Red Sox kind of man/No way, a Yankees fan, that's the kind of man I am! :-)

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yankees and Red Sox I say boo
      Go Blue Jays at my zoo
      Even if they suck
      And aren't worth a buck

      Delete
  23. When I was a kid, I played baseball and once I slid into home so hard it tore my arm up pretty bad. Left a scar shaped like a P. It's faded into nothing today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn that had to hurt
      And some blood prob did spurt
      Got a scar on back my leg the looks like an eye
      I guess it can spy

      Delete
  24. Baseball is fun to watch
    Figure the finger signals?
    Fast balls may need to dodge
    Loads of baseball arsenal
    Taken from Pat's information
    But nothing beats watching on TV
    Safe and far from the stadium
    Is just as fun for me

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah safe and far away
      From the display
      With no chance of a ball to the head
      Plus you can watch from bed

      Delete
  25. Yeah, sometimes the ball bounces
    over the wall,
    which double our efforts -
    who wants to fall? -
    but running we're doing
    from base to the base
    as long as the home in the view
    and a faith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A bounce is better than a roll
      Unless you get on one when you stroll
      A bounce in your step as you walk along
      With home in view can do no wrong

      Delete
  26. Used to play, but not this kind at all.
    Never could understand why they call it "soft" ball...
    When it hits you in the face,
    There's NOTHING soft about that disgrace!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah and the ball isn't soft
      Like that in a hay loft
      I guess they do it to confuse
      Or to amuse

      Delete
  27. Baseball's really the only sport
    That holds my interest, here at my fort.
    But it's only when the Red Sox are winning
    That this fair-weather fan watches every inning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I still can't watch it all
      No matter who it is at my hall
      Takes too damn long
      Especially when the same old commercials sing their song

      Delete
    2. It's waaaay too slow for me.
      I need something with a little speed!

      Delete
    3. Must be why you're a fan of Nascar...
      All those drivers, in their fast cars.

      Delete
    4. I don't really watch a single one
      Used to a bit under my sun
      But then I wised up
      And ignored the over paid weenies who need more attention than an ocd pup

      Delete
    5. that's why college sports are so fun...
      no over paid players under their sun.

      Delete
    6. Yeah much better indeed
      Until ruled by greed

      Delete
  28. The best part of baseball is when a ball lands in the stands and bonks somebody on the head.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But they could bring dread
      Even make them dead

      Delete
  29. Lots of dual meanings,
    must have been your post.
    Our city likes the Tigers,
    Lots of wins we can boast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dual meanings near and far
      Many are past par

      Delete
  30. I don't like watching it on tv, but will go to the stadium. However, I just go for the hot dogs. I think the cat has a very dirty mind today ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dirty mind must every day
      I just tone it down some days at my bay

      Delete
  31. Not watching dat at all...or any sports for that matter
    Makes me feel like my brains is nothing but splatter
    Whats the fun
    In running in the sun?
    And rubbing on sweaty men
    Who just can't say when?
    If it was cricket
    Now then I'll gladly by a ticket...


    Yes I'm a stalker
    A nite walker
    And I've had mace
    All up in my face...
    I'm not scared
    Of being spayed

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah sports take too long
      Better to sing a song
      Or visit Hong Kong
      But playing them can do no wrong
      Rubbing sweaty men
      is blah at my den haha

      You want to be spayed?
      My the price mace paid

      Delete
  32. i've never watched a single baseball game in my life...so...yes i know..shame on me..smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well if you don't like the game
      There is no shame

      Delete
  33. orlin N cassie

    all R privates left for partz unknown
    dont known if they wuz drove ore flown
    sew baseballz knot much of R game
    we'll pazz gas two N feel noe shame


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah the snip snip did us in
      But gas can be a win

      Delete
  34. Dear spelling nazi kitten sitting on you mat
    Here's the grammar cowboy raising his golden hat
    Don't you know by now I'm all shook up
    For I read you wrote about some 'said look'
    You're setting me up that much is sure
    When I come knocking on your meow meow door
    Surfing a bit at your shore and then some more
    Ignoring the net while I read between them lines
    I'd rather associate the humpty hump with the best of wines
    Or bourbon - let it 'slide in', let the game begin, is it a sin
    When I wonder how to pull off three strikes
    Yikes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What.... no reply yet?
      The Cat is getting slow
      Or could it be he'd got another 10,000
      Comments at his show?
      Making him go nuts and humpty hump in heat
      Or is he busy sniffing zombie feet? ;)

      Delete
    2. One minute is even hard for me
      When I'm at my work sea
      Have to take the call
      Or the phone will ring off the wall
      As for zombie feet I've seen a few
      I'll cut one off and mail it to you
      I'm a spelling nazi now?
      haha sooner or later that will wear off with my meow
      As a mistake I will surely make
      Just thought all should bake you a cake
      For you'll have a little one coming do
      A little grumpy goo
      That would drive you straight for the bourbon I bet
      Always fun to set you up and leave you caught in a net

      Delete
    3. I can't wait, the bourbon's all set to go
      Always need a drink when I'm watching your show
      Calling me a stalker at Belize's zoo?
      I was first - what did you expect me to do?
      Throw that phone in your litter box
      That place where you keep those stinky Bora socks.

      Delete
    4. You weren't the stalker
      Need to be a better gawker
      As she said she was one
      Take another swig while I find a way to get to Bora Bora's sun

      Delete
    5. no, Pat, no. you are not a spelling nazi!
      As I, your editor, correct you lotsy.
      hahahaha.
      A rhyming nazi you certainly are
      and that has taken you very far!
      lol...

      Delete
    6. The blue guy is just upset
      That he was caught by this pet
      A rhyming nazi you say
      Has a certain ring to it at my bay

      Delete
    7. you mean long for lung?
      Yes, I saw that but bit my tongue
      and just read along

      Delete
    8. haha the cat never bites his tongue
      So it was sung

      Delete
  35. As a kid I used to like to play right field because there were fewer left handed batters and I could practice standing around. LOL. I did like to bat though......baseball is more fun to play than to watch! Especially when it seems so many 'stars' are hyped on steroids!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah way more fun to play
      Any day
      As the big babies whine
      Then get slapped with a measly fine

      Delete
  36. i really don't get baseball but I like your interpretation of it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah much more fun
      To humpty hump under ones sun

      Delete
  37. Hi Pat!
    It's good to be back where you're at!
    Over the years I learned to watch
    many sports ~ but not to drink scotch.
    Baseball ~ you bet! I call it self-preservation.
    It's pretty big in my adopted nation.
    Kind of like Canadians and hockey,
    but whatever the sport the boys are all cocky!
    Hope you're having a great day
    over at your Maritime bay!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah cocky they are
      Near and far
      But whoopdi doo
      Is all I can say at my zoo
      Nice day
      i suppose at my bay

      Delete
  38. I am not a baseball fan so these words
    were flying above my head like a sword ~
    Are these all games so dirty,
    Not surprising as all professional games are about money ~

    See you Pat ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that is all they are about
      Enough dough for a golden trout

      Delete
  39. I don play baseball cat lol
    and I find a little slow like Betsy say
    I need more action :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geez you must be bored buried the the dirt then
      Here at my den

      Delete
  40. Strike one and watch your foul balls
    Strike two and the batter falls
    Strike three and you're out
    Strike four and what's that all about...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is the version where all win
      Where they give all a pin
      Pin it right to their ass
      That is just first class

      Delete
  41. You got me smiling while thinking of America's favorite summer game,oh, I am referring to baseball, just clarifying lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha but I like the other game more
      Can do that all year at ones shore

      Delete
  42. Baseball today at your zoo
    hmmm..are we talking actual baseball
    or perhaps, something a bit more (lol)
    I know, I know the cat might have gone
    off a bit with his rant, let's all chant
    or perhaps, he fell in that litter box
    looking for some cracker jacks and that
    special prize that catches his eyes
    Take me out the ball game..ok, this song
    came to mind, as I sometimes like to go
    watch my team play for the day

    so let's all sing a long: One, two...at the zoo

    Take me out to the ball game
    Take me out with the crowd
    Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks
    I don't care if I never get back
    Let me root, root, root
    For the home team
    If they don't win it's a shame
    Aahh.
    For it's one,
    Two,
    Three strikes you're out
    At the old ball game

    Hope you had a great day at your bay...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now you have that song in my head
      which is causing me much dread
      I guess I will have to go to bed
      or get our ride to Club Med.
      Where I will relax in the sun,
      and maybe go for a run.
      But I will not sing that damn song
      and I refuse to sing along
      for I would rather reach for the scotch
      then sit there and watch
      but then I am okay to play
      that I don't mind doing on my bay
      but I'd rather do it in another way
      which I think you caught on to today.

      Delete
    2. lol - you naughty cat..I so caught on..pour me a scotch let's talk..no watching for thee..teehee..

      Delete
    3. haha not even a peep
      When one counts sheep

      Delete
  43. Take me out to the ball game
    take me out for some beer.
    Maybe we'll see us an inning or two
    before we take off and get us some brew.
    Then it's off to the Mens Room I must fly
    'cuz with beer I can rent but not buy.
    For I don't stop at two, forget about one.
    It's a shame I got plastered...
    Who won?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha - that is a funny version..I do like a beer at the game but, it would be off to the ladies room for me..

      Delete
    2. But then you are on the floor with rover
      Because you are so hung over
      And if rover is not snip snip
      Some balls may still pass that you can grip

      Delete
    3. Tis one beer nothing to fear
      need to keep my wits..

      Delete
    4. Beer is yuck
      Not drunk here so outta luck haha

      Delete
    5. I remember one game one year.
      I once got so plastered.
      My brother bought all the beer.
      That bastard.

      Delete
    6. Haha wanted to get you drunk
      And in a funk

      Delete
  44. PS - For those who don't know, this is an actual baseball song that is song at many games..

    second half of the song..the song was written by Jack Norworth

    All I need is just one chance
    I could hit a home run
    There isn't anyone else like me
    Maybe I'll go down in history
    And it's root, root, root
    For the home team
    Here comes fortune and fame
    'Cause I know
    That
    I'll be the star
    At the old
    Ball
    Game

    hope you don't mind Pat and his cat..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't mind at all
      Here at my hall
      Facts are always grand
      Plus the damn thing is already stuck in my head at my land

      Delete
    2. Are you sure you don't want to
      sing a long..tis a great song
      but, you are right one that
      is hard to get out of the head
      so perhaps, it is time for bed..(laughing)

      Delete
    3. should say sung at many games..where is the teacher to keep me on track..(smiling)

      Delete
    4. The teacher is off being grumpy goo
      And bed surely came due

      Delete
  45. If you strike out, wind up on the wrong side of a foul or get tagged out, don't forget to kick dirt at the other guy, especially if its an umpire! (Can you tell our home team is the Baltimore Orioles? Earl Weaver left his mark!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha can kick dirt well
      And swear giving the ump hell

      Delete
  46. I think there were a ton of sneaky little innuendos that I missed here because I'm tired...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You missed them all
      My must be tired at your hall

      Delete
  47. Gooooal! Oh wait, that's not baseball. Hmm

    ReplyDelete
  48. this much baseball...
    god looks like I finally learned the game today :D

    ReplyDelete