Sunday, July 31, 2016

Take A Bite On Sight!

Do you ever stop and think of how dumb some insults are? I'm sure you do or just end up getting insulted at your sand bar. Which is worse? A dumb insult curse? Or being so dumb you get insulted by dumb? Should that be a rule of thumb?

Did I call you dumb?
Cursing me and then some?
While bite me!
Do you see?

Bite me I say.
Quite the display.
If you bent and bit,
Actually doing it.

Hurt me more than you.
Unless on a bone you chew.
Then you may break a tooth.
Hurt you more in a dentist booth.

Or if a dirty person says it.
Then you may regret that bit.
Could catch the plague.
Rather the insult be vague?

Like a pretty finger,
That some let linger?
We've been there.
A finger. Wowweeee. Like I care.

And then there is F*** You!
That makes many stew.
Hmm wouldn't that be a good thing?
Unless you are snip snip at your wing.

Or the insult is from an unattractive mate.
Maybe the other side of the swinging gate?
But most times it would be a thrill.
And hey, may just fit the bill.

Or go F*** yourself.
Unless you are a good little elf,
Been there, done that.
More insulting to pelt scat.

Also we got dumb ass.
That insults in mass.
Who cares if your ass is dumb?
It sits on toilets and then some.

Not like it needs a brain for that.
Let your ass be a dingbat.
It can be as dumb as can be.
Now dumb brain should offend thee.

Dumb brain doesn't have the same ring though. Still, more insulting when you come down to it at your show. Get insulted by the dumb? Hope you don't suck your thumb. So even if the so called insult is crass it doesn't mean you've been insulted even by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 30, 2016

The Ignoring Spree Takes A Knee!

Isn't email such a wonderful thing? Now you can use it to even have some weird fling. No waiting days or weeks for the mail as some mailman hits the trail. You get it now. But the now brings a cow.

I emailed you today.
I had my say.
Reply back now.
If not, I have a cow.

You need to reply.
If not I'll die.
No exaggeration there.
Reply, no time to spare.

If not, you're bad.
You're ignoring me at your pad.
Yeah, it is all about me.
I now hate thee.

What was that?
Likely story where you're at.
Life got in your way?
Pffft have a nice day.

You got busy?
I'm still having a tizzy.
You can't fool me.
I was ignored by thee.

You went shopping?
Your internet is flopping?
It got lost in junk?
Pffft, that is all bunk.

I know it to be true.
I was ignored by you.
You should reply right away.
Otherwise I won't have a nice day.

It is all about me.
Me and not thee.
Me and my email.
Reply back without fail.

On vacation?
No elation.
You were sick?
Not falling for that trick.

It's all about me.
I now hate thee.
I feel so ignored.
I'll email you again when I'm bored.

Ever get those types at your sea? They need to be emailed back right away by thee. Pffft go and take a hike I say, right into some big bay. The cat usually replies pretty quickly at our sea, but if not and one fusses on them I'll pee. Then they will stink worse than the gas that comes out of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 29, 2016

The Return Of Bug Eye On The Fly!

The cat doesn't know how he stays alive but old bug eyes is able to survive. He keeps on coming back. This will make 16 adventures for him at our shack. That is ten more than me. Pffft to him at our sea.

Tarsier Man is here
Back for a cheer.
Flaming Nun hates that.
She wants to squash him flat.

She tries to burn.
Flaming at every turn.
The Mailman helps.
But he more or less yelps.

Will Tarsier Man win?
Can he do the nun in?
Will Pat get struck down?
Waiting...nope, not today at our town.





Tarsier Man was in a bind.
He still had nuns on the mind.
Borlin helped though.
Just so you know.

Now Rip Off Man is here.
He's not really something to fear.
He is just a thief,
Trying to cause Tarsier Man grief.

Or is he more?
Find out at your shore.
Tarsier Man won't tell.
But he finds him not swell.





How Tarsier Man came to be?
Isn't that in the 1st at our sea?
Or is that entirely true?
I guess that is up to you.

Could learn the why.
Could have come from a guy.
He may be an old fart.
He may have a cold heart.

You may have to read to find.
Tarsier Man thinks he lost his mind.
The old fart that is.
He's all about the evil biz.





That makes three more to the pile. Have you turned the Tarsier Man dial? Someone sure has as they seem to like him. The cat things he is rather dim. At least he doesn't give us fleas. That sure does please. Three more books sure up our mass. They keep on coming to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Does It Lurk With Best Work?

The cat heard it a time or two, many reach their so called best work at their zoo. Then they quit, become complacent or phone it in. Can't give a new best work a spin?

One and done.
Hey, be fun.
At least you got one.
Beats my none.

Got your dough.
Got your fame.
But oh know.
Best is your claim.

The best work done.
Can't best any more.
Nope, no best is spun.
You're all out at your shore.

A hit or miss,
May not be grand.
Let's enjoy the bliss,
Stopping in our land.

Let's ride off of it.
Do a prequel or remake.
Or maybe some other shit,
So I get double the take.

Let's just put out crap.
Hey, the win came due.
Now any old chap,
Will buy what's in view.

Can't get better.
Can't beat best.
I read it in a letter,
So why try and test?

Wait! Best isn't best?
Not one little bit?
I can still have zest?
Damn, another hit?

Best is besting.
That I can do.
Best the nesting,
And try on cue.

Best work? Never!
Can still do more.
Just have to be clever,
And to get a besting encore.

Think you can't get better than your best work? Are you one that doesn't try the besting the best perk? Pffft the cat shall keep on trying every time. No complacent crap to give a chime. If I wanted that I'd become a mime. A mime that can't rhyme. That would give me a bad case of gas. So I'll remain a best besting little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

A Little Worth Gives Birth!

The cat is fine and dandy. My worth is handy. The cat thinks he is the best. Cats can easily pass that test. Hey, you scoop our crap. That puts us ahead of most across the map.

Are you an elf?
Toys on a shelf?
Over half way there.
That I had to share.

What about self?
No self in elf.
Elves are fake.
So self partake.

Throw in some riches,
Screaming at high pitches?
Err umm not that worth.
And not that kinda birth.

Guess two as one,
Has to be done.
Self and worth.
Self worth on Earth.

What is yours?
Done the chores?
That is it?
Damn, that's a little bit.

Getting super rich?
Being a stuck up umm Mitch?
I would say bitch.
But scratched the equal opportunity itch.

A plastic head?
Plastic cards instead?
Jones's wannabes are you?
Who do they look up to?

Question for another day.
This is self worth at play.
How do you judge?
Does it have a smudge?

A day saver?
A close shaver?
The barber self worth.
Can't find that all over Earth.

What is yours?
Better than chores?
Why does one care?
Self worth to spare?

All self worth-ed out today? Who came up with self worth any way? Can be happy as can be just being we. Yeah, we, as the cat will count Pat too at our sea. Have good self worth? Hopefully it is easier than giving birth. I'll go check with the singing bass. Maybe he'll tell my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

The Believe But Takes A Strut!

The cat sees it all the time and has probably even used this but chime. We've been down the but road before but this is a different one to explore. Why is that? Just follow the cat.

The ideas can weave,
In and up, out and down.
They come to believe,
Or they skip town.

But that's not all.
Nope, not one bit.
The writing may be on the wall,
And it may be bullshit.

But the but is there.
The but is just in case.
Need the but to spare,
So you don't get screwed by aliens from space.

I don't believe but...
That is given a go.
Why the but rut?
It's obvious, no?

Hedge your bets.
Cover your ass.
Even that of pets,
With your but sass.

A but for a butt.
Who would have thought?
It makes the cut,
So one won't rot.

A but flip flopper.
Is that a thing?
Don't call a copper,
I made the flip flopping fling.

Say that three times fast.
I bet there's a but.
No? But in the past?
Bravo on breaking the rut.

I don't believe but...
Is used every day.
I don't believe but...
Will come what may.

People on the fence,
Or trying to appease.
Or maybe just dense.
Either way, they give a but breeze.

Do you use I don't believe but there at your hut? Throw a but in just in case? Don't want egg on your face. Who throws egg anyway? That would not make Old McDonald's day. I am done with my but sass. Yep, I believe that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Fill you rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 25, 2016

A Cheap Thrill Fits The Bill!

The cat doesn't need it right away, unless you have cat nip on display. That I'll take far and near. I may roll in it with my rhyming rear. But some like the cheap thrill. They think it fits the bill.

Cheap Thrills R Us.
We have a big bus.
Come and join in.
Take one for a spin.

Why cook food?
That is just rude.
Throw salt on for the taste.
Nothing goes to waste.

Why build a blog following?
Pffft that is hollowing.
Just write and spam away.
Followed you, follow me back today.

Why write a full book?
Bah, can't give that a look.
Put out a chapter at a time.
That sure isn't a crime.

Why build a mailing list?
People may get missed.
Just spam everyone near and far.
You'll get them even in their car.

Why do something new?
A shitty remake will do.
Who needs such extra work.
Rip off another like a jerk.

Why pay off debt?
Take that money and bet.
It is a simple notion.
You may get a debt promotion.

Why build a business up?
Just run like a pup.
Brown nose a ton. 
That will get it done.

Why build a following at all?
Just give a thrill from wall to wall.
50% off today with every order.
75% off next week across the border.

Cheap Thrills 4 U.
We'll give you two.
Grab them today,
Before they float away.

Are you a cheap thrill junky? Don't you think it is a little funky? Always wanting a cheap thrill to fit the bill. Waiting can't come due. Oh no, not you. You need it now. It must also wow. I'll give you some cheap gas. It's so thrilling when it comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Embarrassment Day Comes To Play!

The cat does whatever he likes and embarrassment never strikes. I can whack my head or roll out of bed. Whoopdi friggin doo I say and be on my way. You humans though, you take it with a red glow.

Embarrassment is had,
At every human pad.
A little of this and that.
It never seems to scat.

When really it is scat.
In the end and all of that.
Can't actually bury it though,
Just so you know.

But you can let it go.
Whoopdi friggin doo, you know.
Of course that you do.
I've said it a time or two.

So you smack your head.
So you roll out of bed.
So out pops some talk,
That you didn't need to squawk.

So your pants fell down.
So you went bare ass through town.
As long as no arrest came due,
No harm really done to you.

So you fell down some stairs.
So you let loose a few swears.
So you wore mismatched clothes.
So you got caught talking to crows.

So...fill in the blank.
There is plenty of gas in the tank.
Embarrassment always wants to play.
Like a control freak it has its way.

Unless it does not.
You control the plot.
Embarrassment is your slave.
That embarrassing path you pave.

Take away the path,
Throw it in the bath.
Pull the plug,
You sank the thug.

How about that?
Taught by a cat.
Embarrassed by it?
Bah, screw that shit.

Do you let embarrassment get the better of you? We still give a whoopdi friggin doo. Can only bother you if you let it most times. It must be so embarrassing though to be mimes. But with a white face you'd never know. Does embarrassment make you glow? I'm not embarrassed to go roll in the grass with my ever so wiggly little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Cassie Cat And Orlin Kitty Take One Walk Through The City!

Ever have something pop into your head and it wanted to be said? Not sure why this popped in. It popped in when Pat was sitting on the loo at our bin. TMI for you? Bah, no such thing at our zoo.

Cassie Cat and Orlin Kitty
They both live in a great big city.
It's not so great and not so big,
But they can still dance a jig.

It is as easy as can be.
Even when bored out of your tree.
Not sure why you'd live in a tree.
That's not something you have to share with me.

Back to jig dancing here and there.
Why is that easy at our city lair?
A bar in every corner just for you.
They even have attractions to view.

Like the Hulk at the door,
Hulking out forever more.
The pee filled and dripping over loo.
I hear that is abstract art to a few.

And when that is over and done.
Prepare yourself for such fun.
You can go for a good long walk.
You may trip and fall if you gawk.

Or if you did one before two.
Outdoors is a much better loo.
So I guess one before two has a perk.
Not sure drunks walking can really work.

Get a mutt to guide you along.
Maybe whistle a cheery song.
Suck in those car fumes as you walk.
Maybe you'll get a tye dye Mohawk.

Last but not least comes fun.
It must surely be done.
You walk and drink.
My, that ought to tickle you pink.

Can a drink tickle and turn one pink?
Maybe Bigfoot is the missing link.
I don't know about any of that.
I'll just hideaway where I'm at.

Orlin Kitty and Cassie Cat.
Both stay where they are at.
It's not so big and not so great,
But it beats overflowing loos at any rate.

The cat just saw a few and it popped in at our zoo. Not sure why it did on the loo. Anything in your place more to do? Drink and walk. My, maybe throw in gawk. Seen one tree, you've seen them all. Unless your a dog at your hall. Then you have to mark each one you pass. That would be far too much work for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 22, 2016

The Crazy Plot Of Cheap Or Not!

The cat is as cheap as can be. No need for big fancy toys for me. Just give me the box that it was in and I'm quite happy at my bin. Get where this is going? On with my flowing.

Cheap it is.
A nasty biz.
You can't buy cheap.
Not in any heap.

It will be no fun.
Not worth a run.
Hell, not worth a thing.
Not even a fling.

Spend that dough.
High not low.
Spend it all.
Get art for the wall.

Spare no expense.
Don't be dense.
Get the very best.
It always passes the test.

Cheap won't thrill.
Your wallet may fill,
But that will be it.
Don't buy cheap shit.

Screw the wallet.
Go and call it.
Call the expensive place.
Let go of your cheap embrace.

Purse is that same.
Filling it is lame.
Don't go buying cheap.
Dig down nice and deep.

Whip out that card.
It isn't so hard.
Buy the best around.
Did you hear that sound?

The sound of the best.
You ignored the rest.
You bought the top dog.
Whoops, still eats a brown log.

But it was tops.
Who cares if it flops.
Top of the pile.
The best by a mile.

The cat knows a nut that always needs the best. He's in debt worse than the rest. Yeah, that is sure the way to be for things like TP. You can't go cheap there. Can hurt the butt crack at ones lair. Always the expensive one are you for everything at your zoo? Give the cat a box and some grass and I'm a happy little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

The Best Way Here Today!

Humans need advice by the ton and the simplest answer is usually the right one. So the cat will help you out today. At least I'll pretend to anyway.

The best way,
Comes to play.
In many a way,
The best shall play.

The best way to,
Here are a few.
A few you know.
But you need tell and show.

The best way to write a book?
You need to write at your nook.
Woweeeee, wasn't that grand?
You now know and can take a stand.

The best way to find if your product will sell?
Well, try and sell it where you dwell.
Woweeee, another grand one from me.
And I'm doing this all for free.

The best way to become a teacher?
Teach and don't become a preacher.
Woweeee, look at me go.
That is three in a row.

The best way to learn?
Read and do at every turn.
Woweeee, I'm on a roll.
Glad I can help humans get out of a hole.

The best way to know if a date will be good?
Is to go on the date at your hood.
Woweeee, this is getting scary.
I hope your dates aren't really hairy.

The best way to get some rest?
Is to go rest to get back your zest.
Woweee, who knew you'd just need sleep?
Oh right, I did at my keep. 

The best way,
Came to play.
Had its say,
And went away.

Did it sink in?
Is your head in a spin?
Woweee, that is cool.
When your head spins, don't drool.

The cat will now go take a rest. He is tired after telling you each ways best. Did some you know? Did some make a light bulb glow? Hopefully not the later is the case. That would be a rather bad embrace. The best way for me to give sass? That is to be a little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Let's Talk And Walk!

The cat has heard it a time or two. It is far different than the "we need to talk" at any zoo. If that happens run away. It probably won't end in a very nice day. Then again, you could be told you just won the lotto at your den. Yeah right. In your dreams at night.

Here come the squawk.
Maybe even a gawk.
Walking the walk,
The dreaded let's talk.

Talk about what?
I don't know.
And then comes the rut,
As nothing shall flow.

Let's talk but not.
That seems to be it.
For the tongue may rot,
Or some other shit.

I guess it can't wag.
That has to suck.
Must be a drag,
Passing the buck.

I said let's talk.
So let's do that.
I gave my squawk,
Now you add to the stat.

I said let's talk.
That was my addition.
Don't stand and gawk,
Have some ambition.

Let's talk about this.
Let's talk about that.
Maybe that and this.
Or something like that.

But let's talk.
So talk to me.
I said let's talk.
Let your words fly free.

Don't look at me.
Let your words flow.
I need to hear thee.
This isn't a mime show.

So let's talk.
Come and talk to me.
Let's talk and walk.
Talking is free.

Pffft just because they say let's talk they expect you to squawk. They really have nothing to say and who are they anyway? Beats the dreaded them. They breathe phlegm. Trust the cat on that. Get the let's talk where you are at? Is anything said by the let's talker? Do you stare at them like a stalker? Hey, can always pass some gas. That chases them away from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Round Forty Eight Brings Us To Date!

Or maybe it could bring you a date. Hey, you and a search engine nut could mate. What would that bring about? Something that you don't let out? That would be wise as the search engine nuts buzz like flies.

soukeqlzy

A weird sneeze that makes your face freeze?

big boobs pasties mimes

A mime boob lover. Be sure not to shove her.

cat grab beer

No thanks. But maybe bills from banks.

decapitate live rat

Sicko alert. Not enough Ernie and Bert?

frog dog its rhyme time

Looking for a book. Works for my nook.

Cats got my balls

That may get a yell as the cat raises a little hell.

Grab a ball and bounce it

Is that what happened later? Hey, at least you didn't face a gator.

My wrinkles are smiling at

At who? Back at you? At the loo? Are you cuckoo?

Just on time man

Damn, not a flash in the pan. Man's got a plan.

Nanny said it was wrong

To play Donkey Kong? Can't sing his DK rap song?

Meghan came afer me with a knife

Was she your wife? Did she cause you strife?

Hooch ate my shoe

There you go, Blue. They found your shoe. It is dog poo after a chew.

Don't worry be happy

Unless you run into Flappy. She is far too yappy.

Story time under my bed

The cat agrees. He can get under there in a breeze.

And the winner this time sure likes to drop a dime. Would they call him a rat? Or it could be a her where they are at. I do not know and do not want to at my show.

Lillies felt tingly on Florence's bottom

Is anyone named Florence any more? Damn, now that is some thrill at her shore. I guess flowers can do more than just look pretty and die. Care to give flower ass rubbing a try? Maybe you could teach a flower ass rubbing class? Just don't expect to see my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 18, 2016

A Grudge Match By The Batch!

The cat will admit the mutts have things sorta right. They don't care what's done day or night. Leave them one day and they still are happy as can be with your display. But cats make you work for it, at least a bit. Humans though, they just go and go and go so low.

Stole my fudge.
I hold a grudge.
Never will see,
Me with thee.

Stepped on my toe.
Oh friggin no!
That is so bad.
A grudge is had.

You offended me.
It was that disagree.
I'm grudging on you.
No more talk will come due.

You did this.
It caused no bliss.
You did that.
Chewing no fat.

A grudge is had.
I'm oh so mad.
You won't see me.
I am going to flee.

I'm holding my grudge.
I'm not gonna budge.
You see my hands are filled.
That grudge never thrilled.

How can I hold it?
Bit by bit.
Right here I'm holding.
You deserve scolding.

After all, you gave me a flea.
That is so mean of thee.
I can't go near you.
Look! There was cat hair too.

This can't do.
Go away, shoo!
I'm through.
My grudge has come due.

Did you hear me?
I'm holding a grudge against thee.
It is right in my hands.
All because of your opposite stands.

Pfffft humans are dumb and then some. Abuse, murder, cheating and all that bad stuff should get one in a giant grudge huff. But stupid little things like disagreeing with you? I give a whoopdi friggin doo. Those types are just attention whores there at their shores. They want all to agree and have everything wrapped in a bow. They can go pound sand up their you know. Are you part of the grudge holding class? You may not want to tell my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Not A Way For Human Play!

The cat sees a few here and there. You humans try and pull it off a your lair. I just doesn't work. For humanity it isn't a perk. What is that? Why, it is why humans can't act like a cat.

Reason one is easy.
If you let things get breezy,
Going wherever you like.
You're ready for a slammer hike.

Reason two is simple.
From toe to pimple,
Licking yourself clean,
Is not something to be seen.

Reason three comes to be,
Because you can't go up a tree.
You need branches to climb.
You may as well be a mime.

Reason four is another,
That shall get an, "oh brother."
Watching you try and jump high,
And you can't do it on the first try.

Reason five gets messy,
No need to be dressy.
You can't knock everything on the floor,
And get away with it at your shore.

Reason six has its faults,
You do the cat waltz.
I.e. chase a little red dot.
Yeah, might not go over so hot.

Reason seven you do,
But may lead to a divorce or two.
Only give attention when it is good for you.
That may turn you black and blue.

Reason eight many take the bait.
Their ego rises at a huge rate.
If you think you rule all,
You may have a great fall.

Reason nine is here.
Humans may run in fear,
But if you do so from a vacuum cleaner,
You may be the next loony bin screener.

Reason ten is best.
It tops all the rest.
Sleeping anywhere and everywhere,
You just can't do at your lair.

And now you know why you aren't a cat. Even though many humans try such things where they are at. It doesn't quite work out the same way. No one is going to scoop your crap on display. Have you given any a try? May not want to admit it on the fly. And no, you can't be a singing bass. That would just hurt the ears of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Does Smooth Only Soothe?

The cat has little grief, other than that one time I couldn't get relief. Yeah, the cat couldn't pee but that was years ago at our sea. You humans though seem to have a ton. You must find it no fun.

Life is smooth.
It's no myth.
Does it soothe,
To take the fifth?

Can you take the fifth?
Does that only count down there?
Maybe the fourth with?
Hell, I don't care.

Life will be what you want.
Surely a familiar ring.
Pffft was that a taunt?
Maybe life is out for a fling.

You can get there.
Yes you can indeed.
It isn't so rare.
Patience is what you need.

Nothing will go wrong.
Nothing will come due.
You'll sing a merry song,
And all will be right for you.

Should I pffft again?
That may be in need.
Gotta love a pen.
It can let things take seed.

I suppose now it's a keyboard.
But the same old crap.
Dull as a board,
Falling for the no trap.

Or the trap of this.
Always will be sunny.
Yep, always bliss,
Like a happy Easter Bunny.

But life will be great.
Never mind this cat.
No one can relate.
Always a 100% stat.

No curveballs.
Nothing bad.
Should you get such calls,
Nothing you can't handle at your pad.

Don't you love the cheery stuff? Makes you think life won't be rough. Or at least it makes some think that. Pffft says the cat. Shit is going to happen a time or fifty and it won't be nifty. I'll get that on a bumper sticker when I get some gas. That will make me a famous little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Sure I'm Right At My Site!

There are many out there and I have done one or two at my lair. But this one you should know. The cat may get shot at his show. So if I go down in a blaze of glory go and tell my story.

Some are dumb.
Some are eerie.
The rule of thumb,
To the conspiracy theory.

This one is true.
Trust little old me.
I wouldn't lie to you,
With any old spree.

It's going around.
It has been scene.
It can be found,
And isn't serene.

You will know,
You will see.
When done with my flow,
I'll have enlightened thee.

But it could bring danger.
It could get you killed.
So don't trust a stranger,
Or you may get land filled.

What is it?
What have I learned?
It may cause a fit.
Some could get spurned.

It is not complex.
It is not easy to say.
But there is no need to flex.
Hold on at your bay.

Here is my findings.
Here is my notes.
Read the inside bindings,
Don't trust the goats.

That is right.
They sit and stare.
Day and night,
They are aware.

Goats report back to the man.
They tell everything you do.
That is their evil plan.
Goats are ratting on you.

Don't go near a goat ever again. They are spying on your den. Pull the shades and hide away. Goats will get you best in the light of day. Did you know this about goats? They watch you and take mental notes. Then the man takes those notes out of their head. They get everything you have said. My tin foil hat is on straight with this pass. You can trust my goat outing little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Care To Lobby For A New Hobby?


The cat has found more hobbies to share with you. These ones will sure give you something more to do. That is if you survived my last list. I bet most of them were missed.

Graving is first.
A grave yard thirst.
Take pics of grave stones.
Watch out for zombie moans.

Speaking of which,
You can't even twitch.
This hobby has you playing dead.
Yep, dead with a hole in your head.

Then comes to giveaway.
Yep, every single day.
If a stranger passes you by,
Give them 10 bucks on the fly.

Here comes one,
Dogs may find fun.
Looking at animals butts.
Maybe they expect worm guts?

Back to the barnyard.
This isn't so hard.
Make an animal sound every day.
Moo, baa, whatever at your bay.

Don't be a user,
Or some drug abuser.
Just collect drugs.
Watch out for thugs.

Need some know?
Give this hobby a go.
Sue every other week.
May fill your creek.

Be a nut.
Maybe like the animal butt.
Dye your dog's hair.
Make them another animal oh so rare.

Have your fill.
It can thrill.
Or maybe kill.
Literally, collect toe jam, foot the bill.

Here is one for old one eye,
She may see this and cry.
Walk up every staircase you see.
Good exercise in this hobby for thee.

Now you have ten more to give a go at your shore. Care to collect toe jam or drugs? Might be better off with dead bugs. But hey, you could always look at a pets ass. I bet that would impress a lass. Not I or Cass. Keep your eyes out of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Bushes For Tushes!

The cat read a new study as it popped up and it basically says you'd be better off going outside with your pup. Over using a public loo that is. The cat shall share the learned biz.

They are as nasty as you'd guess.
Unless you guess less.
Nope, bacteria packed to the brim.
But that is known unless one is dim.

Makes you think though.
As cellphones have more bacteria on the go.
Yep, more than a public toilet seat.
Enjoy the bacteria meet and greet.

Anyway, on with it.
This is sure some shit.
Need a hazmat suit.
Chuck everything in a garbage chute?

Human bacteria can be cleaned,
But an hour later it was screened.
It can recolonize that fast.
So clean is a thing of the past.

It can last for hours too,
And not just on the loo.
Nope, on the floor and wall.
Even the side of the stall.

Toilets seats are loaded.
Your germ fetish may be coded.
Gut and vaginal bacteria galore.
Now you know what's in store.

And if you live in a dorm,
Or some place where shared bathrooms are the norm,
Keep your toothbrush far far away.
Trust me at my bay.

For it has been found,
The fecal bacteria can surround.
It can fly up when you flush,
Landing on your nice white toothbrush.

Yummy to that.
Brushing your teeth with fecal bacteria scat.
Oh, and those hot air hand dryers?
They are also bacteria flyers.

If you suck at hand washing,
Germs you aren't squashing.
They will be blown around the loo,
All thanks to crappy hand washing you.

Ready to go in a bush like a mutt? Much safer for your butt. Unless poison ivy is there. Then you may itch for a while at your lair. Most of it was known but I figured I'd give it a rhyme tone. Now you are all wise as the fecal bacteria flies. I'll stick to the grass should I ever need to go from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Change What At Your Hut?

Humans like to whine and say they want change to align, but is that really true? We shall see at my zoo. The answer is an easy one. Although I'll still give it a run.

We want change,
At every range.
But don't change me.
Nope, not with your spree.

Can't have that.
My world is a stat.
Don't change it.
Change every other bit.

Advancements are grand.
Spread them across the land.
Wait! I'd need a new car?
They'd shut down the gas bar?

Greedy oil tycoons would lose dough?
Pffft can't have that given a go.
Nope, not one bit.
That would cause a fit.

Change cancer treatment ways.
Whoops, then who pays?
If nanites can cure it,
We'd go bankrupt and shit.

Let's test it another decade.
Then maybe the idea will fade.
Test and test in a lab.
You go catch a cab.

Change tomorrow.
Today we'll borrow.
Let change wait.
Until the final date.

Then whoops, too late.
Sealed ones fate.
Over and done.
But change isn't fun.

Oh, let's pray.
God will save the day.
One of the 2000 gods has to help.
Listen to our yelp.

See! I looked up from my phone.
Can't you hear me at the tone?
I want change to come now.
Show me that power, wow.

Pffft sadly, the only way humans change these days is if you force it upon everyone. Then the greedy rich sobs won't let that be done. But never fear, iPhone 7.7.7.7.5 is near. That will keep all happy as they can stay yappy. Pfffft maybe one of the 2000 gods will smarten dummies up with some IQ points in their coffee cup. Yeah, pffft more change in the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 11, 2016

A Little Move From The Groove!


The cat has heard people clamor, some without a stammer, that where they are going is the best. It sure beats all the rest, Pffft to that. Grass is always greener until you go splat.

Move to Canada today.
It's such a fun bay.
Quiet as can be.
Enjoy a cold, boring spree.

Move to the U.S. now.
It can really wow.
Can buy a gun at a yard sale.
Receive bullets by mail.

Move to China next.
You won't get hexed.
Just enough smog to make you choke.
But bah, that won't hurt any bloke.

Move to France.
Take a stance.
Then fall face first.
So much to drink you'll quench any thirst.

Move to Japan.
You'll be a fan.
Pokemon everywhere.
700+ to give a glare.

Move to Australia with ease.
There isn't even a breeze.
Sweat every which way.
Join the perspiration fray.

Move to Mexico next.
You may be vexed.
Which drug do you want?
Each side of the drug war will haunt.

Move to Greenland.
It is so grand.
Wait...it isn't green.
Such a lying scene.

Move to Turkey.
Makes anyone perky.
Named after a bird.
Turkey turkey isn't absurd.

Move To North Korea...never.
Not even anyone's endeavor.
Maybe Rodman would be all hot to trot.
But most normal people don't want to be shot.

Always a downside to any moving ride. Now the above may not be true, embellished a bit at my zoo. Except for the last, screw anyone joining that nutty cast. Think there is a downside to everywhere? Guess it just depends what you want at your lair. The cat would like no cold but then a bunch of nasty bugs would take hold. Can't win with that green grass, so I'll just eat it with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Not A Con When Gravity's Gone!

I was reading how fun it would be if gravity wasn't a thing. Hmmm, let's go with that at our wing. It may not be so fun. The cat will shine light on it for everyone.

If gravity failed,
As in it wasn't here.
Life would be curtailed,
And say bye to Earth's sphere.

You'd float far up.
You may not stop.
That would be a hiccup,
As you'd never drop.

You'd suffocate then burn.
Hey, suppose that would save,
You wouldn't need an urn,
Or some new grave.

But that would be later,
Some would be toast before.
For up floats a gator,
Eaten at your shore.

Animals galore float.
You're not the only one.
From gator to goat,
And you can't run.

Then if you have dental work,
That could screw you.
For when you give a smirk,
Death may come due.

Those fillings go through your brain.
That would sure suck.
But there would be little pain,
As you'd be a dead duck.

Trees would fly,
If the roots are bad.
Cars would give it a try,
No room would be had.

Billions of things would be up,
The sky would be filled.
Even a cat or pup.
Are you still thrilled?

I didn't think so.
Rather it stay as is.
No need for a floating show,
With the gravity biz.

Ever think of that? Think gravity changing would be fun where you're at? What seems fun may surely not be so. At least you'd get some flying cars though. Death by dental work would sure suck. Well kept teeth would be in luck. Until eaten by a gator or something. Could also get killed by bling. I'll stick to my feet on the grass. It is much safer for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

From Dingbats, But You Have Cats!

Some humans are rather strange. They are sure off the range. They aren't just out there. They have left the planet at their lair. The martians can keep them all. But they do make for a post at our hall.

Pat was a pinch hitter,
Cassie got a little bitter.
I gave a hiss and spit,
But quickly got over it.

We had to dog sit.
Yeah, that deserves a fit.
Then I ran with the mutt.
Cassie smacked her when she came near her butt.

Pat even left us alone.
That's when he heard the tone.
"Dog sitting? But you have cats."
Oh, the brain cells of dingbats.

You can't have a dog with cats.
That is like cats and rats.
Cats don't get along with strange dogs.
That just isn't in the logs.

The dog will hurt the cats.
It's in the stats.
The cats may scratch the dog.
No, I'm not drunk on eggnog.

Pffft I said to that dingbat.
No dog will defeat the cat.
But getting along is fine.
By me, and plenty a feline.

Plenty a mutt gets along too.
She didn't have a clue.
Thought it was so bad,
That we went to a dog's pad.

Pffft nuts are nuts.
They can sniff dog butts.
Cats and dogs get along fine,
With the right mutt or feline.

Or with a little extra work,
Getting along can be a perk.
Depends on the mutt or cat.
Fine where we are at.

I ran and played.
Around Cassie laid.
Neither were scared,
And from death all were spared.

Is there anyone besides a child and maybe some nut who grew up in the wild that thinks cats and dogs can't get along? Just look at Youtube as plenty play to a song. Both can get along and have fun or at least tolerate each other as around we run. Pat pfffft-ed in her face too. I don't think she liked that coming due. No pics though came to pass, Pat was too busy watching, so I wouldn't open the door, eat string, etc., my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 8, 2016

A Don't Know On The Go!

The cat found another one that needs a run. Actually Manzi said to give this one a go, so blame her for the below. No need to get jealous as can be as not going all Neko Random's sea.

A little don't know,
With this flow.
I don't know much,
And know a touch.

A little about a lot,
Can be hot to trot.
A lot about a little,
Won't make your brain brittle.

Is that how that goes?
Bah, who really knows.
Wait, I know who.
Adam knows at his zoo.

Which Adam though?
Beats me at my show.
There are many around.
Throw a penny an Adam can be found.

No pennies here.
A nickel I fear.
That may get expensive in the end.
So no money throwing trend.

Where was I?
Right, the Adam guy.
A little I don't know,
All wrapped in a bow.

Don't know him from Adam.
Even if it is a madam?
What happens if it is a her?
Does that make you or Adam purr?

Maybe then you don't want to know.
You just want to umm row?
Hey, it could be fun.
A rowboat out in the sun.

Can any Adam tell the don't know?
Maybe I should ask a crow?
That is a lot of pressure to put on everyone.
The Adam's must not find that fun.

At least they have one up on Jose,
As he can never play.
So do you know him from Adam today?
Did I get a no way Jose?

Know where the saying comes from? If you know an Adam does that make the saying dumb? Then you'd kinda be lying about the last part. Maybe Adams take the saying to heart. I'll go and ask the singing bass, but I don't expect him to be helpful to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

A Mini Ninja Paw Lays Down The Law!

The cat was out and about when it seems Mini Alex dug himself out. I guess I wasn't keeping a watchful eye and he got out of the litter box stinking sky high. But that didn't last as he couldn't run fast.


Come here.
You've nothing to fear.
Already smell like my rear.
 Don't give me that ninja peer.


Whoops, all head.
 What's that you said?
I think you got some of me on you.
Guess you have clumping action too.


A ninja attack?
Don't hold back.
Bring it on.
 Don't be a pawn.

Ninja kick?
My, that was slick.
Especially with no legs.
That like round hole square pegs?

Ninja spin?
Damn, I though that would win.
You were so fast I didn't see it.
Why aren't you a ninja hit?


Ninja slap?
Just don't accidentally crap.
Getting that on my paw,
Is against every law.


Ninja twist?
Can't get off my wrist?
Does that make you twist and shout?
Come now, don't ninja pout.


Ninja stare?
Umm is that rare?
 You kinda look the same.
Ninja stare is a bit lame.


Ninja vanish?
 Mean something else in Spanish?
You still seem to be here.
Again with that peer.


Ninja clones?
My, aren't they bare bones.
Sure looks bad to the bone.
Strike a funny bone at the tone?

I guess I'd be pissed too if I was buried in the litter at our zoo. At least now he's free and can take a shower at his sea. May need to take quite a few. Too bad he can't go "Ninja Clean" on cue. That must be a defective clone. Good of him to throw buried mini Alex a bone. What? The cat is nuts you say? Didn't you know that at my bay? All that work deserves a roll in the grass. Ninjas can sure wear out the paws of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Stick Out A Sign And It Will Be Fine!


Still have it?
Maybe a bit?
No problem at all. 
It'll be gone after this call.

Or would that be verse?
Now no need to curse.
Verse or call.
I'll get rid of it all.

You see that big hole?
It may house a mole.
Now it houses part of you.
Hmm, get my drift at my zoo?

You see the dump?
Trash in many a lump.
They are piled high.
A piece of you went there to die.

That volcano is big.
You can dance a jig.
Lava may flow,
But away a piece did go.

You see that loo?
It is public and super eww.
Down a piece went.
No need to get bent.

My litter box works.
It has perks.
Buried and gone.
Nope, not a con.

What is it?
What is this bit?
Read the badge?
Don't be a cadge.

Be free of it.
Every little bit.
Easy as can be.
No insecurity for thee.

Why is that?
You stopped it flat.
You sent it on a one way vacation,
To a rather miserable pumping station.

There you are. Can ship it by train, plane or car. Your insecurity can take a vacation somewhere that is as nasty as can be. Doesn't that work for thee? There it will get lost like the scent of my gas. Hey, it gets lost eventually from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Now And Then At My Den!

Are you ready for the now? I don't think so somehow. So are you ready for the then? It may be too much for your pen. Maybe the "and" is it? Could we find out after a bit?

Now and then,
Said at my den.
Said by you,
More than a time or two.

At least by most,
From coast to coast.
Stole Blue's line.
Sure that will be fine.

Is it now and then?
Like a chicken and hen?
Or then and now?
Don't have a cow.

When is it said?
When in comes the dread?
When in comes the happy?
Both get people flappy.

It happens every now and then.
So like an attack by Ben?
We can't have that.
Rats can't come after the cat.

When did it happen then?
Can you answer at your den?
Did it really happen now?
I'm not sure somehow.

Now is now until it isn't now.
Did that just wow?
Now is then when now is said.
Am I hurting your head?

So there is no now just then.
Or maybe now lasts for minutes by the ten.
Beats the heck out of me.
But can it be now and then at one's sea?

I stubbed my toe yesterday.
Oh it happens every now and then at my bay.
It didn't happen now just then.
See? Only then should come off your pen.

So it's then and then when done.
Doesn't sound as fun.
Then and that could come due?
Or that and then to bug Betsy's zoo.

Get my now and then? Then you may be confused at your den. Maybe a then and now can raise an eyebrow. I could do a backwards reboot at my sea. Yeah, no stooping so low for me. They don't happen now and then with any pass. But I guess I'm a rhyming now and then little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 4, 2016

Not Writing As Fireworks Are Igniting!

The cat knows you use the holiday and those sparkly things as an excuse. Maybe even off drinking some cactus juice. Or sitting in the sun. All summer you use that one. But there are more important excuses to be had for why you aren't writing at your pad.

Why don't you write?
Maybe too sunny and bright?
Maybe Youtube is on.
Cat videos are a con.

But that we know.
Sometimes you're on the go.
Time is surely a factor.
As is getting run over by a tractor.

Cat on the keyboard,
No writing is stored.
Jeeberish maybe.
Hey, don't blame me.

Don't pay the internet bill.
Bah, that one doesn't thrill.
You popped a pill.
Now you need your umm fill.

Spilled water from your cup.
Bah, that will be slurped up.
It can be done by kids or pups.
What stops writing is the hiccups.

Family in the way.
That happens any old day.
A peeping tom watching you.
Now that can make you stew.

Computer goes boom.
We've all had that doom.
But when your computer talks back,
That is when writing may lack.

Something on TV.
That can make writing flee.
But what is worse for thee,
Is when the TV runs free.

As in it falls and crushes you.
Then no writing will come due.
But then you'd have to get off the couch.
Maybe you find a pearl in a pouch.

Yipppeee, you're a millionaire.
No writing needed at your lair.
Fat chance on that.
Better odds of going splat.

Any other excuses I missed? Flattened by a TV would leave some pissed. If it were a small TV it may not be so bad for thee. Now you have many more than just a holiday and fireworks. Don't excuses have perks? I can just say I'll roll in the grass, have a bad case of gas or I'm off annoying Cass. All work for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

12 Minutes Or Less To Confess!

The cat is timing you today. Will you get in on time at my bay? Do you like to be timed each day? Am I asking too many questions before the play?

Don't waste time,
You have to chime.
12 minutes or less,
To come and confess.

We are counting down.
Don't run to town.
Get it done.
Then you can run.

It's drawing near.
Is it clear?
Hop, skip and a jump away,
From getting in at my bay.

10 minutes or less.
Like some game of chess.
Yep, I'm timing you.
So slow at your zoo.

2 minutes to read.
Wow, time waster indeed.
Do you write
Or look at cute cat videos all night?

I probably don't want to know.
The time is ticking low.
8 minutes or less.
Are you ready to confess.

This is so nerve racking.
The cat is time attacking.
How can that be?
Isn't this a blog sea?

Nope, it's a bush.
A bush with a tush.
There is a song and everything.
Didn't you hear that ring?

It was the tick of the clock.
Soon the blog will lock.
You can't get in,
If you don't win.

2 minutes to go.
Comment below.
If not you're locked out.
You may scream and shout.

Do you make it in and give a comment a spin? Are you good under pressure while being timed? That brain has to be primed. Maybe not to leave a comment though. Did you get in below? The blog may soon lock out each slow pass. But it can be unlocked tomorrow by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

A Little Help So None Will Yelp!

The cat has to share with you what you should watch out for at your zoo. When you are out and about you don't want to make people or animals shout.

On this holiday,
When you play,
Listen to the cat,
Where you're at.

Watch out near.
Lend at ear.
Watch out far.
Walking or car.

Could be this,
So you miss.
Could be that,
Chew no fat.

Like a toad,
On the road.
A silly goat,
In a boat.

A drunk wino,
On some rhino.
A little frog,
In some dog.

A weird cat,
Housing a rat.
A fat hippo,
Doing zippo.

A big dragon,
On some wagon.
A giant dino,
Eating said wino.

A fat pig,
Dancing a jig.
A silly cow,
With one eyebrow.

A fluffy bear,
Stealing your chair.
A foul rabbit,
With a smoking habit.

This and more,
Could be at your door.
So keep a watchful eye.
Don't ask why.

The cat just wanted to give you a heads up. You don't want to bother a frog loving pup. The Blue guy knows all about each one. Hey, it had to be done. Any you can add? Tons from pad to pad. Now I will go bother the singing bass. He is such fun to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 1, 2016

A Freak Out Shout!

The cat was here and there. Yeah, I ate a bug at my lair. Then I saw another and was ready to eat when I heard a sound that was not so sweet. A shriek over a bug. You'd think it was a murderous thug.

It's a bug.
It may bite me.
Look at that slug.
Run away. Flee!

Is a bug really something to fear?
Are humans that crazy?
To my rhyming rear,
That answer isn't hazy.

Yes they are.
Every which way.
Near and far,
As they have their say.

Now if it were a wood tick,
Who can give you disease.
Those I'd want to beat with a brick.
Maybe even a horde of fleas.

Bed bugs as well.
Termites aren't great.
But what the hell,
To some ant at the plate?

A cancer scare.
Now there is fear.
Fire all around your lair,
Shout and don't cheer.

A chopped off limb,
That would suck.
But you wouldn't be dim,
If you shouted, "oh fluck!"

Well maybe you would,
If you don't get my drift.
I change the swear in my hood,
For those not so swift.

A gun to your head.
A terrorist nut.
Both are something to dread,
At any old hut.

But a bug on the floor?
Pfffft says the cat.
No need to roar,
Just squash it flat.

Did the cat wake any up today? Are you scared of bugs at your bay? Don't you think cancer, fires, guns to the head and a chopped off limb is worse? Why should bugs make any curse? Pfffft is how I will end my sass. No bug will bug my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.