Friday, September 30, 2016

Birds In Bushes Spying On Tushes?

So they say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Hmmm on that saying today I will shush. Not quite as dumb as kill two birds with one stone. That one too I'll leave alone. For let's make a deal. Come and spin the wheel.

Searching for a job?
Searching for a car?
Maybe a house to rob?
The later you may not get far.

Do you pick and choose?
Do you just say yes?
What have you to lose?
Like some weird game of chess.

Need that job to live,
But it may surely suck.
No one is going to give,
So you can't pass the buck.

Need that car to drive.
Or you could take the bus.
So you can still survive,
Even if the bus makes you fuss.

A house to rob?
We wouldn't recommend.
For you may get a celly named Bob,
And he may force you to umm bend.

Do you take the first one?
Do you search around?
More lucrative may be spun,
But can you afford for it to be found?

The offer looks great.
But a better one may come.
Seconding guessing is a trait,
That could leave you numb.

Like cold on the street.
A street with no heat.
That wouldn't be neat.
So do you hit delete?

Hindsight is 20/20?
That much is true.
Present can screw you plenty,
But the past is there in view.

A take it and run?
A take it and grouch?
A wait for something more fun?
Or do you just sit on the couch?

The cat got the questions rolling today. Sometimes you just have to take what comes your way. There may be a better deal, job, house to rob or umm buy later on but can you afford to wait for that greener lawn? Will it ever even come? Could make you end up numb. But maybe you'll find some green grass. You just may have to sleep on it's green mass. That would not be fun to come to pass. Although I don't mind eating it with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

This Is Mine Tries To Align!

There is a lot of that here and there. It is mine at every lair. Now maybe if you are a cat you can work with that. Otherwise you may be shit out of luck. On luck though we pass that fake buck. Back to it though with a this is mine show.

This is mine.
All of it.
Don't be a feline.
Humans can't do that shit.

Deluded some?
Beats little old me.
A deluded bum,
Would suck for thee.

This is my land.
Yep, it's all mine.
I don't pay taxes by the grand,
But I have a property line.

This is my air.
Go get your own.
Don't breathe it at my lair.
I won't throw a dog a bone.

This is my car.
I own it, every bit.
It can drive me far.
I don't pay that insurance and DMV shit.

That is my thought.
I thought it first.
You stole the whole lot.
I hope you burst.

That is my ocean.
I bought the beach.
I own every motion.
Stay out of its reach.

That is my beach too.
Get off the sand.
No stepping on my giant loo.
Footprints just aren't grand.

This is my moon plot.
I bought it last night.
It will give you eye rot,
If you catch it in your sight.

This is my final line.
I'd like to see you steal that.
It is all mine.
Now go be a dingbat.

Wow, you humans really like to lay claim. Some of those things are rather lame. Did you ever claim the air? You may not want to tell my lair. Don't pay your property taxes and see how long you own that land. The government will sure make a stand. Unless Google gets a bad case of gas this is the blog of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Take A Hike, I'm On Strike!

Wow, you humans sure like to have a lot to say. I guess I do too as I rhyme away. I mean you just make it so easy for me to do. So I have to at my zoo.

I'm on strike.
Take a hike.
See my sign?
It's so divine.

Up and down.
Cheer across town.
An angry cheer.
May bend an ear.

Bend an ear.
That would cause fear.
I want all to get bent.
Can't you see I want to make a dent?

Yep, here is my tent.
Now go, get bent.
I'm bent and bending.
I hope I'm offending.

I'm on strike.
I'll say what I like.
It is so unfair.
See my deadly stare?

Striking out.
Has some clout.
Striking in.
Isn't a win.

Reverse that?
Bah, don't be a dingbat.
It stays that way.
Striking is at play.

I want a dollar more.
Here my encore.
I want that dollar.
I'll hiss and holler.

Signs go up and down.
See my cheery frown?
Oxymoron there.
But I don't care.

Can't you hear?
I bent your ear.
I'm on strike.
Now take a hike.

Some strikes are so pointless as can be. Lose more than you gain in the end with your striking spree. Some can be handy though. But in the end all about dough. The arbitrator gets their share the longer it goes on at ones lair. Ever go on strike at your sea? Thankfully it has been avoided by me. I'm not a fan of the yelling and the round and round mass. I'll strike out on my own with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Whether Or Not Comes To Pot!

The cat heard this again the other day and then the rhyme just popped in at my bay. Sometimes it works that way. But I'm sure I said that before with my rhyme play.

Whether you like it or not,
It has to be said.
Whether you like it or not,
You may hear it until your dead,

Whether you like it or not,
Things will change.
Whether you like it or not,
Life may rearrange. 

Whether you like it or not,
This and that can be said that and this.
Whether you like it or not,
Snip snipped means you get no bliss.

Whether you like it or not,
The Blue guy likes the shade blue.
Whether you like it or not,
Raid can make a numb tongue come due.

Whether you like it or not,
Bills need to be paid.
Whether you like it or not,
Sometimes there's no shade.

Whether you like it or not,
People will whine.
Whether you like it or not,
Some days the sun may not shine.

Whether you like it or not,
Some days it may shine on a dog's ass.
Whether you like it or not,
White Men Can't Jump taught that class.

Whether you like it or not,
The seasons will come due.
Whether you like it or not,
Some people won't have a clue.

Whether you like it or not,
I have written another post.
Whether you like it or not,
Man boobs may be seen at the coast.

Whether you like it or not,
I'm a little rhyming ass.
Whether you like it or not,
I will now go pass some gas.

The cat could go on forever with this like it or not endeavor. Anything you like it or not that comes due? I'm sure there are more than a few. Whether you like it or not I still need to pass that gas. So off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Stupid Takes A Hit As These Are Worse Than It!

Stupid really must be getting lonely now. Some people are so far past it they wow. You know how they say you shouldn't leave personal info online? Well some shouldn't put anything online to remain fine.

Why did the civil war have to happen? It'd be one less thing to study.
Yeah, school is so rough, buddy.
You got it so much rougher than those who fought.
Was that a new Iphone you just bought?

You know you love someone when you save their texts and re-read later.
Now that may make sense to even a gator.
Except it was a supposed quote by Marilyn Monroe.
Whoops, texting wasn't invented for her to give a go.

My teacher is so dumb he thought the sun was a star.
Boy, we can tell you are going far.
Maybe you'll go to Mars.
Maybe not, as they don't have bars.

Someone told me you can pay for stuff online by putting your credit card in the cd slot.
That someone must have knew you had brain rot.
If you believe that I have a bridge to sell you.
I takes all major credit cards too.

Organic ketchup and turkey burgers. I'm turning into a vegetarian. 
Yeah, and the cat just turned into a stinky barbarian.
Poor turkey's get the shaft.
Maybe they were born on a raft?

Correct use of their. Can I do what their doing?
Did I just hear booing?
Maybe correct has a new meaning?
You may need some grammar screening.

Just learned Africa is not a country.
Did someone tell you bluntly?
That may have been bad.
Hey, new brain cells may be had.

Just found a phone from the 90's with #. Why did they need a hashtag?
Hmmm one too many a doobie drag?
I think they call that symbol pound.
It has magically always been around.

Help find studies on how our generation is lazy.
The irony here sure isn't hazy.
Woweeee, you proved it for all.
Take a bow and stand tall.

Is the 4th of July being celebrated on the 3rd or 4th this year?
You sure kicked things into gear.
Maybe they'll change it to the third.
Wait, that would be absurd.

And that is why stupid people should not have internet access. Then they probably would never win at chess. Hell, angry birds would do them in. Tetris would probably be a sin. See any dumb things along the way? Oh what people will say. I guess ignorance is bliss though. Can't hurt if they are too dumb to know. Good thing it is not the whole human mass. I couldn't handle that with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Oopsy! I'm Not PC!

So back when Pat was job searching at our sea, at least I hope "back" can be used by me, as at the time of writing this he is still searching away, I kinda screwed him over with what I say. I got Pat in trouble. Hey, at least I didn't bury him in rubble.

Your interview was great.
Your resume was first rate.
Your cover letter too,
But we can't hire you.

You see we played stalker.
And then came the shocker.
You aren't PC at all.
You could be our downfall.

Stock price could plummet.
Then we'd all have to slum it.
That just can't do.
So we can't hire you.

Come back again when you clean up your act.
PC is now a fact.
You need to learn tact.
Delete your online presence to be exact.

Then we will hire you.
Pay will come do.
Why are you smiling?
Did I upset the filing?

Stop looking at me like that.
You can go now, Mr. Hatt.
No one will hire you,
Until PC comes due.

Take it all down.
Then you can get a job in town.
You need to watch what you say.
It can cause others dismay.

Hope to see you back,
When you decide to end the flack,
And get with the program of PC.
If that time comes I'll be glad to have thee.

Until then stay away.
Do you hear what I say?
Why are you smiling at me?
Did you not hear what I said to thee?

Now obviously that is an exaggeration a bit. But the windbag, who was full of PC shit, stalked Pat out. I guess he did not like what we shout. Maybe he'll see this and really hiss. If one has the PC stick up their butt then they can go yank it out and play mini-putt. Then shove back up their mass. No PC loving, nut job is going to stop my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall

Saturday, September 24, 2016

A Make It Work Kinda Perk?

The cat was sleeping here at home and Pat went out to roam. Actually he went out to babysit but I guess that counts as roaming a bit. Glad we didn't have to go. Hair pullers are scary don't you know.

Fine and dandy,
Fill em full of candy.
That's the cat's way.
But then they'll play.

Whoops, it broke.
Poke, poke, poke.
Make it work.
Don't be a jerk.

Hmm the battery is dead.
Can fix it he said.
New batteries came due.
Fixed without glue.

Whoops, that broke.
Come back here bloke.
Fix this site.
I want to play minecraft all night.

Pulled the plug.
No more blocks to be dug.
Stuck it back in.
Poof, instant win.

Whoops, that broke.
I'll go get a coke.
While you can fix it.
I'll be back in a bit.

Hit the buttons right.
The TV took flight.
Easy as can be.
Now a show you can see.

All fine and dandy,
Shove in more candy.
Hey, it works.
At least for candy clerks.

Whoops, that broke.
Poke, poke, poke.
Fix this internet site.
It no longer sees the light.

Whoops, that stays broken.
There is no magic token.
The site is down.
On comes the frown.

Geez, things get broken a lot that aren't really broken. Maybe a new word needs to be spoken? Ever have to fix what isn't broken at your sea? Hey, at least it is as easy as can be. But when the real broken comes may get a few flapping gums. I'll just stay home with Cass and actually make sure I break things with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Friday, September 23, 2016

With Round Fifty They Get Nifty!

We are now half way to 100 at my sea. Only took a few years for 50 to come to be. The search engine nuts keeping finding my place though. We may reach 100, you never know.

stupidity of black friday shopping rhyme

Humans are dumb. That's all you need, chum.

touch me boobie

Do you want yours to be felt or do you want to touch them as you have stuff below the belt?

my dog ate my booger

Protein I suppose. Wait! Were you picking your nose?

follow the nut

Does it roll away? Ice Age come to play?

butts nuts2015

Oh, those kind of nuts. I won't follow them or nuts attached to butts.

a little bit thick

Now you got me all gutter with your mind all a flutter.

pull my finger you over toned man

Umm err okay. Arnold came out to play?

why can't I type right today

Maybe your left went right and that screwed up your plight?

will there be toys in the 

In the what? Don't leave me hanging like an un-snip snipped mutt.

my grandma says profanity

Mine does too. Who knew?

horses eat hay and cows

He needs new facts. Maybe Adam will do some horse acts.

ride the pony tail express

Long hair is fine. Chewed on my the feline.

in for a penny in for a donut

A cop joke? Use it and you may choke.

make a face and slap it

That would hurt a bit.I'll just watch you slap your stupid shit.

And the winner for fifty you all may find nifty. Or you may have to scrub your brain. At least there is no visual pain. I wouldn't do that to you. Plus, I don't want to search it out at my zoo.

Scrubbed dicks raw for cold cash

Hmm, is that a nifty trick for some lass? Ouch, is all I can say to that pass. Even if I am snip snip you will never ever get a scrubbing trip. Is cold cash better than luke warm cash? Either way mine takes a dash. Have you ever tried the above? Doesn't it scream love? Yeah, screams more like a psycho lass. If that is your thing, stay far far away from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

A Useless Thing Still Given A Ring!

Did you know that many countries have given pennies the heave ho? Wowee, that must mean things really went to shit you know. We can't not have a penny for your thoughts. We just need lots. Err umm, nope. Maybe the US should finally yank out the rope.

Pennies are great.
Idioms are first rate.
That we sure know.
Already gave that a go.

Pennies are worth one cent.
Duh, does your brain have a dent?
Are you saying that to me?
Thinking it at your sea?

But guess what?
They must be made by a mutt.
They cost more than one cent to make.
Hmmm, need a double take?

One cent costs more than one cent.
Damn, whoever made that has a dent.
Let's keep things that cost more to make than what they are worth.
That oh so very great knowledge should be spread across Earth.

Whoopsy, other countries got a grip.
They let the penny rip.
Saving some dough with ease.
Boy, was that a breeze.

But wait, there is a penny brigade.
Their mandate is to never let the penny fade.
Nope, can't have that.
Some have brains of scat.

Oh and we can't give them the heave ho.
We need to fill space in a news show.
That is right one and all.
Some days there are no shootings to give a call.

So we need to go throw pennies on the ground.
We love to hear their clanging sound.
Then we film and watch as people go by.
They don't pick up pennies when they catch their eye.

Woweee, that is first rate news.
How can such a story lose?
It has only been done 1000 times before.
What's one more encore.

And there is one other reason.
We surely can't commit penny treason.
People need them so they can throw them in the trash.
Garbage workers need a tip in cash.

Pfffft, do you pick pennies up off the ground? I had to give this a go when an article was found. All the reasons the penny won't die south of the border. Hmm, which is the lamest of that order? I'm not sure what would take the cake. But a penny millionaire they could make. Estimated to be millions of pennies in landfills. Go digging and you could have millionaire thrills. A disease may also come to pass. Those landfills are far too germy for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

A Little Brick Won't Do The Trick!

The cat has to clarify here and there because there seem to be nuts that aren't aware. They try what they see in a movie and think it grand. Idiot humans across the land.


Why are you so brain dead?
We're you hit square in the head? 
Did you enjoy that falling brick?
Nope, as it killed you some slick.

What about that car?
You bounced really far.
Or maybe you did not.
Either way, by getting hit you'll rot.

You won't get up and walk away,
Like it is just any other day.
So enjoy that speeding bus,
I'm sure no one will make a fuss.

Oh, and if you take up hacking,
You're skills may sure be lacking.
For many random key strokes hit,
Won't help you one little bit.

You'll need to learn to code.
Not go all actor mode,
And letting your fingers fly.
Hitting random buttons is a lie.

Oh, and jumping from a roof,
Will be a rather big goof.
You won't get up and walk away,
No matter what movies may say.

There will be a mighty fall,
You'll end up in a stall.
Or would that be a drawer?
Either way, you give the coroner a chore.

And a punch to the face,
May seem like a fun embrace.
But after one or three,
Or however many comes to thee,

You won't heal fast,
The pain will surely last.
May even knock out some teeth,
But hey, you'll get a fancy wreath.

It will say you're dead.
Like taking a brick to the head.
So unless that is your wish,
I'd recommend the real life dish.

There you go. The cat just saved humans everywhere today at his show. Do you ever try what you see on TV? I hope not at your sea. Unless it is one of those cooking show things or maybe how to tie knots in strings. Other than that you may want to take a pass. You can trust my non brick throwing little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Okay, I'll Show If You Must Know!

The cat got asked once again by some other person at our den. What was I asked once more? Something we already covered at my shore. Why don't you have Facebook? Ugg, but let's give our day a look.

First we awoke.
I jumped on that Pat bloke.
He had such a great dream.
I jumped in a place that made him scream.

Now on with day.
I have to share all, okay?
I can't miss a thing,
Or that canary may sing.

Sing for more blatant useless crap.
Boy, are many Facebook users a sap.
There is my thought for the day.
Now I'm digging in the litter tray.

One turd, two turd, three turd, four.
I buried it and then took a pee tour.
I didn't bury that though.
And now, away I go.

I ate some food.
Yeah, I'm rude.
I didn't share.
But I don't care.

I played with Cass.
She's a cranky lass.
She scratched my ear.
All I got is oh dear.

Won't you show sympathy for me?
Come on, create a sympathy tree.
I posted it to show you all.
Show sympathy on my wall.

And don't forget to like.
Like it or I'll strike.
Whoops, falling into the old habit.
Been there, done that, dagnabbit.

Blogger doesn't think dagnabbit is a word.
Isn't that just absurd?
It was so crazy I had to share.
Aren't you wiser for it at your lair?

I'm going to take a nap.
That's all that's on tap.
Boy, my nap was great.
This sharing thing is first rate.

Pfffffft is all I have left to say. Do you share stupid shit on Facebook at your bay? If you share when you go to the loo, sorry, but there is no help for you. That is the closest to Facebook I will ever get here. So the askers can stick it in their ear. And if that doesn't work I have another perk. Find some sand and pound it up your center mass. Dagnabbit, I'm such a crass little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, September 19, 2016

S Comes To Play Here Today!

You'd think we were back at the a to z for S has come to play with thee. Why is S here you say? It is because S wants to hit replay. Or maybe not. Just follow the plot.

S for what?
I'm a nut.
So S for sty?
Hate that in the eye.

S for stew?
Blah at my zoo.
Keep it and stew.
Stew over stew for you.

Are you stewing?
That brain brewing?
S for stimulation?
That needs no narration.

Even if you go gutter.
S is for stutter.
A stimulating stutter.
Boy, can you mutter.

S for snap.
My brain in a trap?
Damn, I've snapped.
Am I trapped?

Trapped and sedated.
That leave you elated?
Stimulated to sedated.
Maybe S was mated.

S mated with T,
And U came to be.
Hmm that could go deep.
Did in your brain it seep?

S is for stunt.
Did you just grunt?
Yeah, this rhyme is a stunt.
Hey, at least I didn't bunt.

Have you guessed yet?
I have a safe bet.
You think S is for shit.
Well you are close to it.

S is for news.
Whoopsy, you lose.
Never guessed that, did you?
Come on, admit it to be true.

Why is S for news? Because there is nothing new about paying the news dues. So you take the new out and what is left about? That would be S. See, it makes sense better than your guess. But when you make S = shit. You've got it by pretty much every bit. So you were sorta right in a way if you guessed S = shit at your bay. Watching any S lately that tries to dumb down the mass? It can all kiss what comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

The Goal Has Come To Pass From My Little Rhyming Ass!

5 years ago today the cat set a goal at his bay. What was that goal you ask? Why it was an every day task. The cat posted one post a day every day since at my sea. And yeah, 24 posts in one day were also given a spree.

A goal is grand.
Have it in hand.
There it sits.
Matching wits.

The goal can linger.
Can give it the finger.
But when stubborn as can be,
No goal escapes me.

Through total shit.
Writing a new hit.
And this and that,
Out came the cat.

Some long gone.
Thought it a con.
Many still here.
Always coming near.

With something to say,
I come back every day.
Nonsense may ensue,
But that needs to be said too.

Some 1850 or so posts in the folder,
And each of us five years older.
Much has come due,
At many a zoo.

From numb tongues to gawkers,
Some search engine stalkers.
All brought a post,
And fun at their coast.

Should the streak end,
Won't go around the bend.
For the goal is reached.
Have I teached?

Can be met.
Even by a pet.
A little know how,
And yourself you can wow.

Now this rhyming pet,
Has a goal that's been met.
Each day with fun.
Whether rain, snow or sun.

And there we are. Been a fun 5 year ride at my sand bar. Also no repeats or redos or reboots at all. Screw that crap at my hall. Now will it last another 5 or more? I guess we'll see what life has in store. Although with me being pretty far ahead I can tell you that there is plenty left to be said. The voices up there still gather in mass. Thanks for making it such a fun goal to reach for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

A Little Thinking Or Sinking?

Ready to go all wishful today? Hey, maybe a genie will come out to play. That is a wish granter, right? Pffft and I turn into a dog at night. What are you thinking? Into the gutter are you sinking?

Make a wish.
Use a fish.
Or a spoon and dish.
Maybe a splash and splish?

Whoops, splish and splash.
Hey, don't make a dash.
Not like I gave wrong cash.
Wish for a little mish mash.

Thinking I'm nuts?
Bah, made those cuts.
That door never shuts.
At least I don't sniff butts.

Thinking there still?
Maybe about a shiny bill?
Or how you need a happy pill?
Maybe that's run of the mill.

Can a mill run?
That would be fun.
Wishful for those?
Thinking of woes?

Worked right in.
With my wishful spin.
Did you think on it?
Are you having a fit?

Wishful thinking for me.
Fun to confuse at my sea.
A wishful thinking spree,
Might get you stuck up a tree.

Winning is wishful thinking.
Even a contest for blinking.
I can blink more than you.
You know it to be true.

Wishful thinking at play,
It crops up most every day.
Like no traffic will magically come due.
Wowee, how wishful are you?

Maybe your job will give you the day off?
Maybe you're spouse won't scoff?
Maybe you'll finally get a big break?
Gee, what thoughts wishful thinking can make.

Are you a wishful thinker at your sea? Do you go on only a thinking spree? At least you exercise your brain a bit even if you never do shit. Or is that just wishful thinking on my part? Wow, can really take wishful thinking to heart. The cat is now through with his wishful thinking class. So I'm thinking I'm now through with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Don't Bug Out With This Shout!

Cassie and I were running around and a little creature was found. We had to get that intruder as that thing living with us couldn't be ruder. Or at least it can annoy. So we stopped its ploy.


I spotted it first,
After quenching my thirst.
It had to die.
How was I to know it could fly?


Cassie saw it after that.
She is such a lazy cat.
She heard me say that.
So she called me a dingbat. 


She said she'd win.
She'd do the bug in.
 Then she gave me her ass.
She really has no class.


Pffft under the computer tray.
Like it would be there at our bay.
With giving such places a glance.
 She stood no chance.


My spot was best.
I did the pillow test.
It had to be under there.
 The pillow is far more rare.


Cassie yelled for me.
She was full of glee.
She found the thing,
And got off a wing.


It still flew.
One winged, who knew?
 She hadn't caught it yet.
She couldn't beat this pet.


I rolled my eyes.
I can easily catch anything that flies.
So I got ready to jump.
I came down with a thump.


Yep, I landed in the litter.
Cassie got a little bitter.
For I stomped the bug.
I then buried the dead thug. 


After an "I win" shout,
I jumped right out.
I gave it my ass. 
Yeah, I truly do have no class.

Don't you believe me? It was a sight to see. I jumped on that bug with ease. It was such a breeze. What was that? It was thanks to Cassie cat? Pffft it was all me. How do you kill bugs at your sea? Do you kill them with class? Do you shriek and give them sass? If you do that later in mass stay far away from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Smoking Is Great, Trust Me Mate!

Wow, the cat never knew he was lied to for so long. I guess people are just wrong. Or maybe they are right? Beats the heck out of me at my site. Actually it doesn't one bit but let's go with it.

Show A is grand.
So many watch it across the land.
That means it is good.
So great in every hood.

Show B is crap.
No one takes a lap.
Not many watch it at all.
So it is crappy and will stall.

What logic there.
A good show makes viewers stare.
Good is as relative as can be.
But let's go with it, shall we?

I said that twice.
Must be a good way to entice.
Say it once more.
Let's go with it at my shore.

Wowee, that means it is great.
It is said at a high rate.
The more it is said the greater it is.
Great must also be that fluck you biz.

Alcohol must be so good for you.
No liver damage at any zoo.
So many people drink it.
It has to be great, every bit.

Smoking causes lung cancer?
Bah, tell it to Vixen or Prancer.
So many people do it it must be grand.
Don't believe that lung cancer thing across the land.

Adultery is the best.
It passes the test.
No divorce, stds or the like.
So many do it that it's an instant strike.

Quitting is so great.
So many do it it has to be first rate.
They quit everything and anything.
So go ahead and have a quitting fling.

See? It works so well.
That logic is so swell.
The more that do it the better it is.
It's not just for the TV biz.

Pffffft and if you believe any of that, I've got a bridge for sale where we are at. It will only cost you $1,564,732 and change. Maybe those numbers will rearrange. How does $5,164,372 sound? A much better deal so it must astound. Just because something gets more views or is done by more doesn't make it great at any shore. Reality TV is case and point. Think the masses make it great at your joint? On that logic we shall take a pass. I don't want to be a sheep little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

The Dip Of The Weirdo Flip!

Things sure can flip and flop with ease. They can change with the breeze. What once was can be is and what was is can be a was biz. Is the cat confusing you? I guess I'll get to it at my zoo.

Facebook, what's that?
That is just scat.
You are weird for using it.
Who needs that shit?

Twitter, is that a bird?
140 characters is absurd.
Why would you use that?
Did your brains go splat?

Linkedin, another one?
How are they fun?
Who are you linked to?
You haven't got a clue.

Instagram, there is another?
Put a pillow over your face and smother.
That would be better for you.
Wow, a picture of your shoe.

Fast forward a bit,
And you get a new fit.
A few years come and go.
Time for a new flow.

Facebook is so grand.
Are you on Facebook land?
You're not and like to meet in person?
Wow, your life that must worsen.

Twitter is a real helper.
Now all can be a yelper.
Famous folks can even have their say.
Bow down and follow the fray.

Linkedin is of such great need.
Employers can stalk your feed.
Show all everything you've done.
Isn't linking up fun?

Instagram is the best.
Show pics of everything and be a pest.
You can even show one of your shoe.
Woweee, that is such a great view.

You're a weirdo if you don't have all.
How can you live without them at your hall?
You sure need a Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin and Instagram wall.
Join them and many others and have a ball.

Pfffft is all the cat can say. I'll pfffft again on display. First you were a weirdo for not having one and now you are if each one isn't done. What? You want to actually talk? So weird that you want to squawk. Just post it on your Facebook wall. You should tell all. Pffft all the social media just gives me gas. It can also suck on it when it comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Here Today It's The Warrior Way!

You have to love the internet, right? I mean it allows the cat to have a site. Who knew a cat could type and rhyme? Thanks to the internet you now know with each chime. But we need justice too. That justice is soooooo needed to come due.

It's so bad.
He isn't glad.
That can't be fine.
No need to wait in line.

Social Justice Warrior away!
They're here to save the day.
Well, at least pretend to anyway.
They need to have their say.

That was so racist of you.
You said people can't be blue.
That was just so so so bad.
Social Justice Warrior will take down your pad.

Oh wait, that was said by him.
That guy is nuts and rather dim.
But he's getting lots of hits.
I have to repeat his fits.

Social Justice Warrior needs points.
I agree with your racist blue joints.
I am the law in these parts.
I'm saving faint hearts.

Don't you argue with me.
I have sidekicks to attack thee.
My Social Justice Warrior clan,
Will attack any woman or man.

On the internet that is.
We don't do that real life biz.
Mommy's basement is so safe and sound,
And we can't have other people around.

But that's neither here nor there.
We are here and we are aware.
The Social Justice Warrior shall prevail.
We'll make your racism fail.

Social Justice Warriors don't just stop that.
You need to be PC where you are at.
Don't say Christmas or in we'll swoop.
The Social Justice Warrior and the sidekick troop.

My stance has been adopted.
It is correct because in it others have opted.
That is the Social Justice Warrior way.
We go with the most popular thing others say.

Pffffft Social Justice Warriors can go pound sand. Nothing but whiny little assholes across the land. Trying to gain popularity by agreeing with the masses. That just proves they are a bunch of dumb asses. Did I just shame the Social Justice Warrior today? Whoops, not sorry at my bay. Did you know they were called Social Justice Warriors at your sea? More like idiots who want approval so they blindly agree. The cat hopes they fall face first into a pile of grass where a present has just been left from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Love Thy Self Like A Happy Elf!

The cat has a bad thing to tell you, Pat wrote another novel where no rhyme comes due. That is so rude to the cat. But then this one is so wacky I can forgive that. It is truly as nuts as can be. Was it known that Earth has a brain by thee?


I was minding my own business at a book convention when what I thought was a crazed fan, like I have any of those, came up to me. I should have known better than to play along, especially when the voices in my head were screaming for me to run. Before I could do so I was taken away by my crazed fan, who really wasn't a fan, and whisked off to Earth's brain. Yes, Earth has a brain and a body.

There I not only learned that some version of my soul was destined to save Earth's brain, but that reincarnation was real. Dino Me, Slug Me, Half Breed Me and many more proved that. Madison, my not so crazed fan, had a collection of mes. If that sounds strange, you better buckle up.

Throughout the course of this escapade I had to deal with cannibal pirates, porno ninjas, killer geriatric robots, a newborn baby that swears like a sailor, aliens, more robots, Hippers, Diggers, Unknown and so much more. Add to that some evil dude wants to melt me down in some magic voodoo pot and you have what could be my final written work ever. Or is it?

So tell your friends as I may not make it out alive. Or I may and I could still use the money. And in case you are wondering, yes, the tale depicted in this book is a true story. Events are told how they occurred. Unless I die before the end of this, then you may have to make up the rest for yourself.

So there you are. Ready to learn about Earth's brain and Earth's body at your sand bar? Who knew there were two? Half Breed Pat is very weird too. He has an ass shaped head. That must cause him dread. Slug Pat, Dino Pat and Bear in a Tutu Pat are just as strange. That doesn't sound like it will change. This very weird meta type novel has come to pass. It even makes a reference or two to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Not So Smart With The Ass Art!

The cat has done it a time or two, not going to admit to what at my zoo. That would require me to use my memory, you know. I have a nap to get to after this flow. What has been done? Why a smart ass time that wasn't so fun.

Be a smart ass,
It is so grand.
It may not have class.
But who needs that in hand?

Although by being one,
You may get screwed.
Nope, not screwed for fun,
As some may find it rude.

Like if the stick up their butt,
Comes to your place a calling.
They may think it smut,
Or it may cause brawling.

The job interview is another.
It could screw you.
Your chances it may smother.
Especially if they go moo.

As in they're sheep.
No farm for us.
Don't think too deep,
You may start to cuss.

The blog post isn't one,
So I can do the above.
Unless G rated is done,
Then you may get no love.

A funeral is best avoided.
That may go over rough.
Your high society may be voided,
If you make fun of dead stuff.

Court, if you get stuck there,
Is sure another to run from.
The judge won't care,
If the gavel breaks your thumb.

Church may get you hanged,
Especially way down south.
At best your head may get banged,
So best to close your mouth.

And a doctor visit could go either way.
It could leave you with regret.
If the doctor says okay,
A hand up your ass may be a safe bet.

Any other times not to be a smart ass? Bah, some will give you a pass. Others sure may not though. May have to watch what you let flow. Although it can lead to interesting situations all around, even if you have to run away as fast as a greyhound. I can be a smart ass to Cass. She can't get rid of my smart little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Donate Today As You Pay!

The cat was out and about and then heard a familiar shout. It was as familiar as can be and I'm sure it has been heard by thee. Would you like to donate to this and that? Just add a buck to my corporate hat.

Groceries collected.
Idiots neglected.
If it's a good day.
Otherwise the idiots play.

You still have to pay,
No matter the day.
So pay up and get out.
But then comes the shout.

Donate a dollar?
A familiar holler.
Why not two?
We could round up for you?

Yep, let's donate.
Let's take the bait.
Let's believe you.
Yeah, sarcasm came due.

Bite me is better.
Get it on a sweater.
Just hide it from nuts,
And those angry mutts.

Who makes the claim?
Not the guy or dame.
Nope, not one bit.
Corporate a-holes don't give a shit.

Nope, not at all.
They pretend to stand tall.
They really are pretending,
As they do a lot of pucker up bending.

You donated away.
I did with my pay.
Let's just pretend.
Many sure did lend.

Woweeee, Corporation A donates a ton.
Yep, they donated after fleecing everyone.
It was all because of the corporation.
They deserve all of the elation.

Don't forget their handling fees.
Taking those out was a breeze.
You helped them seem grand.
Don't you feel all warm and tingly across the land?

Pfffft is all the cat can say, especially after reading some things they do at their bay. They may shave a bit off for expenses and such and it can add up to much. Or they just claim they made it all. Yep, no help from anyone else as they stand tall. Pfffft they can just suck on the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, September 9, 2016

An Error For You And Life Too!

Don't you just love when you go to a site that you know is there and you get "error site not found" instead at it's lair? Or you get error 503. What happened to the other 502 sure beats the hell out of me. But we've been there. Let's go all error without a care.

Error runs life.
Error causes strife.
But error to this?
May cause bliss.

Bank error for you.
$1,000,000 comes due.
Take it and run.
Error and have fun.

Error at the checkout.
Free food so don't pout.
All your groceries are free.
Take them and flee.

Error while buying a car.
Now you can go far.
You get a free upgrade,
And double the value of your trade.

Error while on a date.
You got the wrong mate.
Hmm that could go either way.
But hey, maybe they pay?

Error with your cat.
He has golden scat.
Can you sell shit?
Hey, farmers need it.

Error with your baby.
Not ready maybe?
So it stays in.
Hmm, is that a win?

Error with a day.
Presents come your way.
It's your birthday after all.
Yeah, but not until fall.

Error at the job.
You passed poor old Bob.
Or maybe you kissed ass.
Errors can be so crass.

Errors make you ill?
Errors fit the bill?
Errors are around.
Was my error found?

Enjoy the errors of life? Hey, maybe an error can lead to a husband or wife. You just never know how errors will go. But dumb site errors can bite me. Hate them and their error 503. Now I've got to pass some gas so no error occurs for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Get A Hit And Milk Every Bit!

We know the sequels, prequels, movies to TV, TV to movies, remakes, redos, reboots and whatever else there is. Been down the road with that biz. But do you see the rest of the milking? Cows everywhere must be laying in beds of silking.

Collect them all.
For a limited time.
Let your money fall.
They're in their prime.

A set of 5 cups.
So impressive they are.
Has the faces up.
You can see the star.

Action figures are here.
Excuse me, collectible figures.
They have some sweet gear,
And it easily configures.

Get the shirt too.
Wear it oh so proud.
Everyone will acknowledge you.
You'll stand out in a crowd.

Even if 1000 others have the shirt.
You'll still stand out.
Some guy or girl will flirt,
Because it has such clout.

Don't forget the shoes.
With them you'll make the news.
You sure can't lose.
Yes, we even got our own booze.

Get drunk on fame.
It is the best beer.
It may taste the same,
But it has added cheer.

Don't forget our sticker.
We even have it on toilet paper.
What better way to wipe quicker,
Than with a sticker for your caper.

And finally there is the car.
It drives really, really fast.
It was used by our star.
Get one as they won't last.

Did I say finally?
Bah, that was a lie.
We can administer our gear spinally,
Then you may even, though probably not, be able to fly.

Are you ready to get that cup collection? Does the thought of flying give you a great umm err detection? You can even get some great booze. Wow, with such milking how can you lose? And just wait for the remake in 5 years or so. Then all new "limited time" stuff will show. You just have to have it in mass. Pffft to it all says my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

A Little Forth And Back Insecure Attack!


Summer's at an end,
So they say.
Who are the they they send?
Beats me, okay.

Still warm though.
Then it may not be.
I wrote this in snow.
The verse wanted to fly free.

What is my point?
Don't sit and mutter.
I'll get there at my joint.
Even if I have to go gutter.

Summer is gone.
Fall is here.
Almost with its con.
Still hot I fear.

Whoops, been there.
Whoops, done that.
Did I get a stare?
Yep, I'm a dingcat.

Nope, not dingbat.
They have wings.
I'm a cat.
Among other things. 

Back on task.
Bring forth I do.
What you may ask?
Why, something that's true.

Summer will return.
You'll see it once more.
May even get a sun burn,
 Being a real clown at your shore.

Unless there is an ice age.
Unless you have a heart attack.
My, aren't I cheery on my page.
Hey, cheer I never lack.

So get the forth and back?
Or maybe back and forth?
Pffft to each insecurity attack,
Ship it very very far north.

Solved it all for you. Pack you insecurity up at your zoo. Mail it to the North Pole. Santa will take it for a stroll. Some things you can control and some things will just continue to roll. So pffft to the poor pitiful me. The sun again you will see. Summer shall come back once more and you too shall bounce back at your shore. Just don't bounce on my grass as you may fall on my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Hey Diddle Diddle We're In The Middle!

And yet another instance of why humans can't count the cat will add to the amount. I guess it is too high and when they can't round they just cry. But we did the rounding so now the middle is surrounding.

No need to fiddle,
Just use the middle.
The numbers, they suck.
Who gives a fluckity fluck.

Not little old me.
Not one bit at my sea.
Act like it's a riddle,
And use the middle.

It's the middle of fall.
Wait, did summer stall?
Not even fall yet.
Damn, all because you got wet?

It's the middle of winter.
Not even time to smash a printer.
Yet we had a little cold.
So the middle had to take hold.

It's the middle of summer.
Damn, that is a bummer.
It's not even hot.
Spring is still hot to trot.

It's the middle of the season.
Christmas is about to commit treason.
Christmas has a season and a middle all its own?
Damn, Santa must know who to phone.

It's the middle of the day.
Said at 3 on display.
Nope, sorry, you fail.
The middle hit the trail.

It's the middle of the night.
2 am takes flight.
Whoops, wrong once more.
Did the middle show you the door?

In the middle of a store.
But damn, you're near the door.
Yep, so middle you are.
Maybe you walked too far?

So is the middle a riddle?
You sure like the wrong middle.
A middle with which to fiddle.
But in the middle you can diddle.

Are you going to get in the middle of this? Does the middle bring you bliss? Maybe you are the middle child and just take the middle and run wild. Is that the human excuse for all the middle use? Either way I'll go roll in the middle of some grass. I'll measure it out with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, September 5, 2016

You're Rich So Scream It At High Pitch!

What was that? You don't believe the cat? Bah, you are as rich as can be. Even if you have no job at your sea. As long as some money is there, you are rich, I swear.

Make a buck.
Make a tip.
Screw the luck,
Sailed that ship.

A buck on the street.
That sure is grand.
Pick it up for a treat,
And tune up the band.

You are rich.
Rich as can be.
No need to bitch.
Just follow with me.

Paid that bill.
Paid it in full.
What a thrill,
You have some pull.

Reading this, right?
Reading it here?
It is in your sight,
So stick with me, dear.

I used that word.
Bah, oh well.
It may be absurd,
But what the hell.

With riches for all.
It can be said.
Rich at your hall,
Even when dead.

Like Dr. Seuss.
Richer than most alive.
Even with a dead caboose,
His estate can survive.

But that's off track.
That is really rich.
In nothing they lack,
Even dead in a ditch.

You read this, right?
I asked that already.
But whether day or night,
You read it steady.

Means you are richer than a huge percentage of the world with no internet use. Look at you, avoiding the poor noose. You are also richer than kings of the past. At least many with a steady 9-5 blast. Even with inflation at play you are richer than some king dingalings that had their say. Don't you feel oh so rich now? I'm sure you'll get over it somehow. Wow, we are all one rich mass. I'll have to go out and bronze my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

A Real Tizzy With Productive Or Busy!

The cat can get all done even if the work is crap and no fun. But what about the work? Do you find the work a jerk? There are different kinds you know. Like productive work or busy work on the go.

Productive as can be.
Look at little old thee.
Go, go, go each day.
Slaving away for pay.

But which is it?
Some donkey work shit?
As in the busy crap,
That makes you want to get busy taking a nap.

Or maybe the good stuff.
You know, the work that isn't fluff.
Like actually doing a project,
And not wanting to defect.

Or maybe it's the mundane.
Same shit each day and same lane.
One, two, three.
Busy work for thee.

At least you aren't twiddling your thumbs.
Or staring outside at passerbys bums.
Hey, to each their own.
Maybe I'll leave your bum staring alone.

But does busy work = not bored?
Boredom can still be stored.
Especially when you want to take a nap.
A nap could mean an energy zap.

Which equals boredom to me.
Does it to thee?
Busy and on the go,
Doesn't always mean busy, you know.

Am I getting deep?
Or just a confusing leap?
Maybe get busy understanding,
And you'll stick that landing.

In confusion do you jump?
Maybe just get a good hump.
Hey, either can being getting busy.
One just may make you dizzy.

Is the mundane busy?
Does it leave you in a tizzy?
Maybe it makes you dizzy.
Wishing for productive and not busy.

Which do you like best? The busy or the productive work fest? Maybe there is another one. The bum and do no work can be fun. At least the cat thinks so. But I don't have to pay bills, you know. Now I'll go get busy taking a nap with Cass. I don't need any type of busy work for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

A Popular Trait Takes The Bait!

Have you ever thought about the popular crap? That's just what it may be across the map. I'd go and use shit though. It has more oomph you know. Confused at my lair? Bah, you'll get there.

Popular as can be.
This and that from sea to sea.
But not that and this.
Wait, sea to sea is a miss.

What's popular here,
Over there strikes fear.
What's popular now,
Goes away somehow.

At least one can hope.
Who wants to see a dope?
Seems many surely do.
Many nuts popular with a loose screw.

The moral is,
If I go all moral biz,
If even the more counts,
Good doesn't = amounts.

Oh praise be.
Best thing ever to see.
1,000,000 sheep this so.
But it's the equivalent of, you know.

Wait! 1,000,000 people can't be wrong.
They are all singing the same song.
Pffft go join the sheep.
There "great" runs no so deep.

Have to fit in.
So give the popular thing a spin.
Baa baa black sheep.
Follow Little Bo Peep.

Whoopsy, I stepped on popularity there.
The PC nuts may come and swear.
Because that nursery rhyme is as racist as can be.
Popular to find shit where it isn't there with glee.

A douchebag says it's okay.
So come and play.
They beat Little Bo Peep.
After all, they are an elected creep.

They can't lie.
And I'm really that Elvis guy.
That is a popular comparison too.
I guess I do go popular once in a while at my zoo.

What about you? Follow the trend at your zoo? Do you baa like a sheep? Believe in some egotistic creep? Tell the cat so he can make fun. Maybe a new What Off can be spun. Pffft to thinking something is popular or cool because it is said by some creep, brain dead turd, paid endorser, or fool. Maybe I should pass some popular gas? Then all would be in a fog and send riches to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Blaze A Trail To Fail?

You humans sure go about things in a weird way. Why can't you just say no at your bay? Instead you have to go through this, that and the other thing. You'd think some were born a dingaling.

A great job is here.
I want it is your cheer.
You go and get ready.
Standing good and steady.

That was a great date.
Could be "the one" mate.
You promise to call,
As you had a ball.

That felt great.
Exercise the heart rate.
Got it done and them some.
Look at that toned bum.

Got the budget down.
You walk like you have a crown.
As in with your nose in the air.
You did it at your lair.

Could be more.
Plenty from shore to shore.
But we don't have all day.
So on with it at my bay.

Whoops, you mumble.
The job did tumble.
You act like you don't care.
Job no longer there.

You never call back.
Want to avoid flack.
Who needs that date?
Pfft to any old mate.

You did it once.
Now be a dunce.
Sit on your ass.
Go pass some gas.

Kept to a budget with ease.
But now you have fleas.
As in that little itch.
You bought a golden ditch.

Self sabotage at play.
You needed none of that anyway.
Life is fine as is.
Keep up the self failing biz.

Do you self sabotage or fail at your sea? Who wants to do that on purpose and for free? I suppose if fear comes into play. That new job can be soooooooooooo scary every day. That date may really be a serial killer. Who needs such life filler? Just sabotage yourself with ease. It is such a breeze. Pffft more brains in the singing bass. But then you humans can amuse my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

A Little Cuss With The Bus!

So long ago when Pat didn't have four wheels, he had to make devil deals. That is ride the stinkin bus. That place is enough to make any cuss. I went and looked at this huge feature, there is many a mighty scary human creature.

Come ride the bus,
Don't make a fuss.
Just ride the bus.
Go round and round with us.

You have the fat guy.
He isn't very spry.
Takes up two seats if he does sit.
If standing, you have a face full of umm shit.

The really stinky ones.
Did they have the runs?
Wearing yesterday's clothes.
Need a plug for your nose.

The prim and proper.
They think they are a show stopper.
But then they are on the bus.
Hmmm doesn't impress us.

The poor lad or lass,
Those are in mass.
Been there, done that.
Pat, not the cat.

The fun every day rider.
Stuck on that bus like a spider.
Forward and back.
You can watch as they have a snack.

The rider for joy.
Nope, it isn't a ploy.
They ride the bus for fun.
Insane, each and every one.

The happy drunk.
Smells like a skunk.
Sensing a pattern here?
Many smell like a rear

And the worst of all.
The one you'd like to push into a wall.
But then they'd whine about the wall,
While going on and on about nature's call.

Yep, the hippy dippy tree hugger.
Uses the bus as a grocery lugger,
And everything else under the sun,
While yapping how the bus should be used by everyone.

Don't you love taking the bus? Does the bus make you fuss? Do you have to take the thing? I hope you don't have a bus fling. That would just suck. When the cold hits who wants to save a tree or buck? Yeah, the cat will take a pass. I'll avoid those stinky things with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.