Thursday, June 1, 2017

Purr Empire Part Four Takes A Facility Tour!

     We finally landed and I was left wishing we had kept falling. What we saw was very appalling. At least the vet put us under when he did the snip snip. I never thought I would ever long for a vet trip.
     "Drazin thinks Drazin just threw up in Drazin's mouth a bit."
     "I'm with him." Pat tried not the hurl or scream like a little girl.
     We had appeared in some lab, in case you did not guess, and it was one screwed up mess. Animals dressed in hazmat suits were fixing humans left and right. As they did, the humans regressed on site. I guess that is why the gutter must always be on their brain. It keeps them from boarding the regressed caveman train. They also threw their parts in a furnace like thing. Never again will I play with a mouse on a string.
     "Let's scram before they notice us and start singing." Cassie tried to find an exit door while we watched some more. It was so nasty we could not look away. Or we are just perverts as they were all naked, what can I say.
     "Keep it up. This is how we fix the humans, fix the humans, fix the humans. This is how we fixed the humans all day long." Silver Fox was dressed like Santa as he gave his cheer. I guess he thought presents were near. Yeah, he was a silver talking fox. Not so out of the box.
     He marched passed us still humming his tune. Thankfully, he never caused Pat and Drazin to become as stiff as a spoon. I guess they have to sing directly at humans to make them fall. That or he just could not sing at all.
     "Mud? Who brought mud in here? Was it you, bud?" Silver Fox pointed to the nearest guy and I stared at the bare feet of that Drazin guy. It was the godly mook who had brought mud in. This was clearly a battle we had to win.
     "Damn this. Let's go, Miss Priss." I hopped out and Cassie stopped looking for a door. Pat and Drazin stayed hidden for a little more.
     "Don't call me that, you little pain in the..."
     "Get the digressed felines. They could infect us all and mess with blood lines." Silver Fox pointed to his crew and the chase began to ensue.
     "Any infection would be an improvement on you. Sorry, weird fox santa thing, but it's true." I hopped on the heads of a few, as they crashed into each other and stuck like glue. I am sure the substance was not glue. But I will leave that determination up to you.
     "For talking animals, you sure are dumber than most humans." Cassie egged them on and they fell for her con. They ran at her and got stuck to the wall. Fixing humans has to be one of the nastiest things of all.
     "I will not stand for such incompetence."
     "Does that mean you are getting down on all fours?" Cassie snickered as Silver Fox bickered.
     "Don't interrupt me, feline. I shall stop you and all will be fine." Silver Fox focused on us while all his lackeys were stuck and unable to kick up a fuss. We kept his attention through it all while Pat and Drazin freed the humans who could still stand tall.
     "Brandon, what do you call a fixed human?"
     "No longer screwed?"
     "A fixer with no upper." Brandon laughed over his corny joke, annoying that godly bloke.
     "Why did you free those two? Drazin knew they would be here somewhere. Drazin would rather have them fixed."
     "Quiet, demon. Thou shall not fix another human."
     "Why would Drazin do that? Drazin will just snap their neck. Less messy."
     "Bryan, I think it's time to go."
     "Not so merry Santa and his elves are in the know."
     The Beer Guys skedaddled through a secret passage way and the rest of the freed humans followed with little to say. Silver Fox glared at Drazin and Pat. He tried to sing, but they were having none of that.
     "Sick em." Drazin freed the humans that were snip snipped. We ran through Silver Fox's legs and caused him to be tripped. The snipped humans surrounded Silver Fox. They stared at him like I do Pat's socks.
     "You have not won. I will never be done. I can stop humans such as these. They are no more wise that ancient fleas." Silver Fox hummed his merry tune but it did not work for the loon. The snipped humans pounced him and then went after his lackey crew. What was left I am sure I do not need to tell you.
     "See, fleabags? That is how you obey a command."
     "And this is how you ignore a godly mook." Cassie pranced on by, nearly tripping Drazin into the furnace with the pieces of each girl and guy.
     "Drazin will still turn you into slippers, fleabag."
     "Fat chance, demon."
     "Oh shut up, Pat. We have no time for that." I nudged Pat in the butt and we ran away before we became the scientific experiment of some new nut. The hallway was long and the steel was strong. There was no way to break through. So running and walking and more running came due.
     "Bryan, what do you call a door that won't open?"
     "Closed off?"
     "Hinged."
     "That was lame. Get out of Drazin's way." Drazin pushed through the humans and the beer guys. He blended in with his disguise. They were all pretty much as naked as could be. Glad it was dark and I could pretend I could not see.
      "So push it open, godly mook."
     "Quiet, fleabag." Drazin's eye glowed red and against the door he pressed his head. He then turned the lock and found the code. Who knew he could go all bank robber mode?
     "The godly mook is useful for something after all. What do we have behind this stall?" I trotted in and we scored a win. It was a treasure trove of human stuff. Thankfully, of clothes for everyone there was enough.
     "Excalibur, how I've missed thee." Pat made love to an old rusty sword. He kissed the thing like he had won some great award.
     "Good going, beer nuts. You've trapped our butts." I could find no way out. The beer guys had trapped us in a safe like trout. We were sitting ducks. Even if we were now armed with sticks and hockey pucks.
     "Brandon, can beer have nuts?"
     "Bryan, maybe we think too much?"
     The pair went on about beer having nuts for a while when the door slammed shut and we heard the spinning of the dial. Tig Leader laughed, saying we would all be fixed soon. He really sounded like some bad Saturday morning cartoon.
     The humans all shouted and want to be free. They were really hurting the ears of Cassie and me. But a safe is only meant to protect people from getting in and not getting out. So we had that going for us as we remained like trapped trout.
     "Excalibur shall cut through and provide escape for all." Pat began whacking at the safe's back wall. We all ignored his crazy call. That is until it worked. Then up our ears perked. "I told thee that Excalibur shall set us free."
     "Grenades? Now Drazin can do some damage." Drazin grabbed the grenades out of the safety deposit box Pat had found, laughing as Pat proved sometimes all you need to do is pound.
     We used all the other useless crap in the safe to make a barricade and then our hole was made. Drazin chucked the grenades at the wall and they went off, freeing us all. Humans scattered this way and that as we all tried to figure out where we were at.
     "This is going to end well." Cassie sighed and climbed some winding stairs. Drazin and Pat followed our cat hairs. We then shoved open some purple door and a giant litter box we once again had to explore. We were on a beach and our freedom was in reach.
     "Not so fast. You humans are the past. You felines are too. We rule this planet through and through." Tig Leader stepped in our way. He was not going to let us get away.
     "Why don't you go choke up a hairball, fleabag." Drazin grabbed him by the throat but was kicked away by a karate goat.
     "Good going, godly mook."
     "I'll skin you, fleabag."
     "All right, dearie, time to take your flea medication." Pat tried sticking his sword down Tig Leader's throat, but he was also fought back by the karate goat.
     "Take them back to the facility and have them fixed. Any plans you had for escape have now been nixed." Tig Leader began to sing when we once again saw that blue thing.
     "My shoe! Give me back my shoe, you shoe thief!" Blue Guy yelled and ran our way. That caused the two much dismay.
     "This isn't over. You'll never leave Purr Empire as anything but an ancient rover!" Tig Leader shouted and ran away. Him and his karate goat did not want to play.
     "Who knew looking for a lost shoe could be so helpful." Pat stepped out into the sun shine and for a moment we felt things were fine.
     "You! You've got my shoe." Blue Guy spotted his shoe on another human that had escaped the snip snip. He chased after him and continued to give him lip.
     "I guess it was in the safe. Time to go." Cassie took off across the beach and we followed to stay out of Tig Leader's reach. We had no idea where we were going but nothing can be worse than a snip snip human showing. Not even getting your toes stuck in something I left in the sand. A giant litter box sure is grand.

********************

Don't you just want to see a human fixing station now as talking animals make you bow? No? Probably wise at your show. It was not a sight to see. Such things will give you nightmares and no glee. At least the snipped humans took care of Silver Fox though. Him and each lackey foe. Humans are good for something after all. I bet afterwards they found a mall. And so part four has come to pass as things just get crazier from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

41 comments:

  1. A karate goat
    Now there's a thought
    He's got the moves
    And is highly sought

    ReplyDelete
  2. Part four was great to read,
    As the three before.
    I wouldn't like to see a human fixing station,
    Should the cats and silver fox come knocking at my door.

    Wonderful to read Pat.
    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Should run away
      If they are ever on display

      Delete
  3. This is a story that truly disturbs me.
    Who wants to see such a sight, not even thee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be scary as can be
      If one were to see

      Delete
  4. TNR for humans.....some should be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some should be indeed
      No longer spreading seed

      Delete
  5. "No longer screwed?"


    or screwed forever?

    ReplyDelete
  6. A station where you get your parts
    Stop a while and play some darts
    Get spruced up and journey on
    Good as new, it ain't no con

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sounds like a nightmare. Animals can keep their paws off of me or I'll sneeze on them.


    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sneeze on their fleas
      Run from the breeze

      Delete
  8. A fixer with no upper? Oh that is funny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha just popped in
      Glad it was a win

      Delete
  9. I'm with Mary and am still giggling at that line too!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nice to see The Silver Fox get some press, even if he was compared to freakin' Santa Claus!

    Also... I've said it before and I'll say it again, why do they call it getting "fixed?" If anyone did that to me, I'd consider myself to be broken.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lmao I knew Santa Claus would get you
      Yeah, we think the old snip snip leads to broken too

      Delete
    2. I really look the part right now, but in two days, I get a haircut and beard trim, so I won't look at all like Santa.

      Delete
    3. haha could wait until Christmas time
      And ring a bell for many a dime

      Delete
  11. No, I am kinda glad not to be fixed. God already did that.

    ReplyDelete
  12. orlin N cassie.... beer nuts !!!! now yur talkin grate snax :) lead on cassie....may bee !! ???? ☺☺♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those nuts can work
      Humans may find the other kind not a perk

      Delete
  13. Wow, that was some story! Can a beer have nuts? lol..I guess if it's a beer guy...hahaha..ok, I just had to. I think I'll skip that scary laboratory. Who is wearing Blue's shoe in plain view? Haha Pat does like his sword..haha..oh where one could go with that, but not me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can go many a way
      With a sword at play
      Whether a stick
      Or umm wick
      A scary place
      One laboratory not to embrace

      Delete
  14. A wonderful read
    was just what I need
    When blank feelings breed
    Now laughter is freed

    ReplyDelete
  15. I know a few people that we could all benefit from if they got fixed. Oh why can't this be a reality?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, there ae quite a few
      Fix them two by two

      Delete
  16. LOL! I love the zany adventures you spin. I'm sure there are a few animals that would like to give some humans a snip, snip!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bet there are many a cat
      And dogs where we are at

      Delete
  17. These are such fun..fun?? adventures but not sure all humans should be fixed. Some should be for sure but not all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, all wouldn't be good
      Some need their umm wood

      Delete
  18. Human fixing... now there's a thought
    Maybe required for politicians we ought...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Snip every one
      And let some hillbillies be done

      Delete